mY pAiN mY tEaRs**R pArT oF D wErLd

2010-10-15T21:41:00.003+08:00

Something's missing & i'm not sure exactly what it is. Goshh, why did i end up being this pathetic. For those that can't wait to see me fall well here is your good news then. But i try not to give a shit & wasting my time thinking about it. for now ,i should be

happy that get to maintain what i have now but can't help e s2upid feeling i have.

Apart from that,I just have a feeling and uneasyness that

something bad or worse is going to happen ahead me. Everyday its bugging. Even when i'm sleeping, i would wake up in e middle of e night shivering to myself.

Its not about me or a guy or whatever bullshit. It scares me to even think of it. I thought

things would go as per normal, i swear i sincerely hope to have it all going well. but

these few days, slowly things starts to turn to a different direction.

Suspicious talk make me even more worry. Let us have a normal life please. Im really begging you.Whoever it may be lyke stop it if you are actually doing it. Stop all of these.

Im really scared. scared to think of any possible things to happen.

Hate all you one but spare our life. Was wishing and hoping for a happy life a crime that make

all of you against us? Was standing up for e truth's that bad that make you all hate us?

You have never been thru it so you dont know how scared and hopeless one feels when worse things happen infront of you & you cant do anything to it. Having a nightmare about it is really not something good. Breaking into cold sweat and start shivering to myself bring myself cloder to my sister who is sleeping beside me because the nightmare had happen b4 in real life and to have the same dream make it so real that my heart beats faster.

On e 9 october, when my sis overnight outside to celebrate her badae and my father had to stay somewhere else, & i have to sleep alone. My imagination runs wild. Im usualy a timid person. & thins thought make me even more scare. I couldnt sleep e whole night. It makes me tear up soo much. When my mom in e morning come to my room to check on me, then i get to sleep. after evrythings is fyne then i can at last sleep. Damn! its really very hard.

All i ever want was a simple life with my family.

To make them smile for evry tears that fall. To make them rest for evry sweat that they work hard with. To carry them up for every tyme they fall. I know thats the hardest thing to do & with others intefering with our happiness its even harder. The harder it gets the fear keeps on increasing. You make it harder with ur bullshit, whoever that person is.

I wont hope for your fall but i wish the day will come when you will come here and beg for forgiveness.

2010-09-26T01:46:00.002+08:00

When others make me feel useless, i couldnt help but think of you. Why cant i make e 1st move?

Others think im crazy but try putting urself in my shoes. Ive told myself countless tyme but it didnt work. Happy arent you, with her by your side. Im happy for you but i cant lie how hard it is for me to let go. I cant move on & i must nt stuck to this. I just need sum1 that i can truly love and be loved to 4get you. You are e reason of my smile and my tears. I hope that will faster be changed because im really tired~ tire of holding on to something that are impossible to come.

2010-08-11T19:16:00.001+08:00

Ndp 2010 was awesome!(:

2010-06-09T23:33:00.002+08:00

I have never once in my 18 years of living felt the
fear lyke how i did yest.
100608, i mark this day to be the most
unforgettable day ever.

You ppl make our home ur target shot.
She was on e verge of dying.
I can nvr, will nvr forgive you ppl
till my last breath.

2010-05-16T00:32:00.002+08:00

I browse thru the pictures.
There. They were laughing and smiling.
Like as tho they own the world.
After all that they've done.
Don't they feel sorry at all.
Are they robots?
With no heart.
How am i suppose to feel nothing after watching it.
With the fact that he are the opposite.
I know he suffer in silence.
I know it does affect his health.
Because its shown in his face, his body.
The hym that i know suddenly become different.
He shrink, his smile&laughter fade away.
He kept looking far thinking deep.
What am i supposed to do?
How far are you tormenting hym?
please just let hym rest.
i'm willing to continue it for hym.
Just leave hym alone.
How many tears you want hym&her shed.

I will trade my evrything for them.
Just please, get them away from all of this.
For god sake ppl, he's in pain every single second.
because of u no brain ppl.
How can u believe those outsider rather than ur own
flesh blood.
You don't know a fucking thing that happens in our house.
you dont fucking know what others have done to us.
Then whats your brain for ?
what's ur heart for then?
Heve u ppl try to ask what happen.
like are we ok?
Is that hard to ask.
is it that hard that you have to choose to believe others.
You ppl have lived with hym. Stay with hym. Eat with hym. Go thru darkness with hym.
You should have known hym better than any1 else in the world.
If you don't, how do you think he will survive??

I really don't want to hate.
trust me i don't.
But this thing go way too far.
From now on, just don't bother both hym&her.
Don't need to start askin how they are coz i'll be the 1 doin that.
Don't need to ask about them or even think bout them
coz i promise i will do that.
I will take care of them.
i'll give my all to them.
and if you ppl just won't stop,
i'll have to make a move.
Thinking about this i dont know whats the move
or rather im scared to even think about it.
Tho if 1 day they forgive you,
trust me i won't do that.

2010-04-26T22:57:00.002+08:00

I told myself not to bother.
But still i did.
I feel confused. Curious, at the same time.
The more i deny it, the more i want to know the answer.
But will he answer it?
Its a 4 yrs story.
Few people know.
He doesn't know for sure, or did he?
I just want to make sure before i leave my 4yrs of silence waiting.
I just want a answer to my 5 words question that i kept for way too long.
I didn't force hym to answer, thats why 4yrs past lyke that.
There's some1 waiting for me, lyke how i waited for hym.
Maybe how i felt now is what he felt too?
But i want a specific answer.
From his mouth. Is it stupid of mie?
Will any of you laugh if i tell you my 1st love story?
My 1st love story that begin with only a glance.2005.
Only my heart start pumping hard, i don't know bout him.
& so it go on, till today.
Till the year of 2010.
Some says i'm a fool, am i?
Just 1 word a yes or a no. & i'll really leave.
Leaving my foolishness that they say. But a wasted, its not.
Some may understand but most will not.
I promise i'll be going on away from all of this, after i just get the answer.
I won't ask for hym to be mine, neither will i ask hym to sympathy me.
Just a simple yes or know to assure this naive heart.

2010-04-15T21:07:00.001+08:00

Gosh i HATE biology. I SWEAR i do!

2010-04-15T21:05:00.000+08:00

Gosh i HATE biology. I SWEAR i do!

2010-04-11T10:35:00.001+08:00

Missing Sean(:
Lots of plan that are not yet done.
Promise will do it when both are free..
See ya soon Blurrsotong(:

2010-03-29T00:02:00.002+08:00

IIs today gonna be the last time that mie and her talk like this. IIs the picture once again going to be small. II find it hard to believe that she will leave soon. IIs there no one that will prevent this from happening. II know i've said this many time, in the past. & yet there's another goodbye):

2010-03-23T19:24:00.001+08:00

Big Ass Party!

2010-03-22T00:09:00.000+08:00

Nur hayati binte Abdul Rahman.
Fly off to hong kong today. Hong kong ehk not korea! heeee
Will be missing her. Luckily its only for 4 days not lyke my previous trip which is 8 days.
i hope she enjoys her trip there. Meeting her when she's back.

2010-03-21T02:39:00.003+08:00

why can't we go back to the simplicity of preschool? you know, when looks didn't matter, everyone was your friend, and the only fight you had was over a crayon.
Sometimes I wish I could really go back to that days when I was six and my biggest problem was what kind of dress to put on Barbie or whether or not I had enough Legos to build a fort
Sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much. So don't slam your door, you might want to go back
& no human are rich enough to pay the price to open back the door of their past

2010-03-09T22:46:00.000+08:00

Tired to run. Impatient to walk. Danger to stop.

Speak & chaos. xplain & silent. Quiet & damaged.
Choose one(:

2010-02-22T22:50:00.002+08:00

In the future after going through lots of trial and error, somewhere along the line i think i can say that i've done my best. In other words, write it as a failure but read it as an experienced.

2010-02-17T23:11:00.002+08:00

Tired. Just came back from aft shift. Today was so chaos. So many admission and soo many relatives coming. Feeling lyke giving my self a cup of milo and sit in the tea room till 9pm but nop. Hve to do para, Ng feeding, change diaper and on top of that hearing relatives ask when's the doctor coming. So many patient yet so little doctor. It must have been hard for the doctor to be running ard at night going to one aftr another.

Tmrw im supposedly in morning shift but have to change to aft bcoz of some reason. I still prefer morning shift. haiiya..
well update agiin some other tyme, need to sleep.

2010-02-14T11:53:00.002+08:00

You need to taste the ups and down of life to know what is more important to think of.
Today you migh be well off but you nvr know the next day misery might fall infront of your door step. It might not start by you, maybe someone else but you have to carry the the same responsibility cause thats what you need to do. Theres alot happening inside out. In this process you might need to go thru shockness, anger,embarassing hopeless state, tears or even giving up.
You must know for who you want to stay on for. Why you need to do that for. For praises? I don't think so, everthing happened just because you wanted a simple and happy life. But we,or should i say i took it for granted that it will be easy and ended up struggling to survive and adapt to a whole new chapter of my life.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a bond... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you.

Im sorry to those ppl that only being able to look is what i can do. I'm bearing the same thing but i really can't do anything. I can lie for your sake but for how long? The past incident slowly came crawling back to my mind one by one. My heart beating very fast when the same thing happened slowly. Can't we just live normally like those ppl do? I thought its all over but why must things happened again when i don't have enough pillar to depend on now. Things happening outside are bothering me and now things inside are going to be worst. I really think, that time was going to be the last of her crying helplessly. i didnt know that now even more are crying helplessly and i cant even do anything about it. Its frustrating. seriously.
I'm not begging for any sympathy but just please stay out of our life. Just this once.

2010-01-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

we didnt forget and we nvr will. Things just get awkward when we are meeting up these past few weeks. Tyme is needed to mend the things we know is the main problem. I did try my best but along the way harsh words are beiing pass thru. I get it now. Your sarcastic remarks just won't stop huh. I know this day will come and i'm well prepared. im tying to take it positively but i guess its too much for me to take it. I respect and i adore our friendship. Damn dissapointed when you think that way. True, ppl tend to 4get the old ones when they meet other as you grow up, i know it well enough as i go thru it just lyke how you did it to me. You don't remember ryte? i did, cause its my worst nightmare. I remember every single words and behaviour you gave me almost each day. I still remember the way i have to hide myself and distance myself away from all of you. Just so you know, im hurt real bad at that point of tyme. I did try to hate you. but when things get back to normal, i forget everything. Just everything. I realise how strong i love my friendship. I thought you have the same feeling too. I guess it was just my childish thinking. I kept comparing others to all of you but you guys remain to the most impt part in my lyfe.
Mybe now i have to start thinking maturedly. & when i did, i have no idea what's gonna happen next.

2010-01-04T22:37:00.004+08:00

Im battling with choices in my lyfe. Choices that benefits either me or the other. Fear keep drizzling in me. Every words and knowledge can't seem to pass thru me lyke as if theres a wall rite i n btwn. I have no confidence in succeeded to their expectation. If this continue, i might go crazy.
Just what the hell am i doing now. Doing things that made you losing yourself. I try. Yes i did try and im half way thru but its burning me lyke hell inside. Its frustrating. Why can't i gain confidence and learn everything that i can. Its just won't get thru...
Everything is in a mess now. i can't rewind and i'm too afraid to take the next step.
I can't understand anything that happen in my lyfe now. i'm moving but my soul are the opposite.
My head of family says that we have to make sacrifice in lyfe for the benefits of others. Is this what he's trying to tell me. Is this the choice that he ask me to go for?
Confused. Things are boiling in my mind and i can't stop it. For the 1st tyme im begging for help for my own lyfe.
Gossh! How i hope that i will knock my head or something and will 4get evrything..

2009-12-13T01:52:00.000+08:00

back again after soo long...
above are pix taken with both my bestiieGal(:
Most of the pix are when they come to my house to karaoke. Nice of yati to bring her remote(as myne are spoiled) and her mic. haha. We karaoke almost all the song that she brought. heee
oh ya on the wed b4 startiing our dance me syu ice and tauheed went to cheers to buy somethiing and we saw thiis 2 human. Its a disgusting sight for mie, i dont know bout the rest but for mie it is. hell yeah it is. How to say ehk, stop lyke talking about others before you even check urself. To make it short and sweet, Shut your fcukiing mouth. Thank you(:
I just dont get it bout thiis ppl, just whats her problem. No other thiing to blog is it, why the hell must you talk about other ppl guy siia. haiyoo~ Next tyme fill your tyme with prayers if you have nothing better to do coz you might need that.

oh ya ive watch new moon ust now with daff and yaseer and its Fantastic~ hah...
got to thank azrii for the drink and popcorn as well as the nachos he give miie. And anyway that theater is not lyke your father place that you can sit then go during your WERK TYME ehk! hahaha, whatever it is thanx(:

Theres somethiing that really bothers miie now. im really tired of the games that we both are playing. I just want to get over and done with. You should know me better. When i get upset i will be quite and when it comes to a brand new day i will always be back to normal. i guess we have to leave it thiis way till either one of us gives in. Its kinda hard coz my friends are also your friend and i dont want when the tyme comes that they have to choose either one of us.
well its up to you...i just want thiings to be back the way it used to be..Bcoz we've known each other way too long to be ended up thiis way.

update some other tyme..nytez ppl(:

2009-11-23T19:39:00.005+08:00

After such a long tyme, they made their 1st tv appearance on MAMA 091121 since their legal dispute with SMe.
Couldn't describe their heartbreaking facial expression and force smile when they receive the award for Asia Best Star. Sadly only 3 came. JaeChunSu. The last word that Jaejoong say really shows how much he and the other 3 hoped for the other 2 member...
"i don't know whether they are watching this or not, but if they are watching this. I would like to say i love you to the other two member.." Gosshh...you could see his shimmering eyes preventing tears from flowing out.
Things lyke thiis already happen. Suju and dbsk are already into thiis kinda problem but DBSK on the verge of disbanding is totally unacceptable. They holds the world record with the most fanbase. I just hope these kinda things will stop already. You are making the artist as well as the fan suffer with the money plan you are currently having.I really hope that by next yr the 5 member will make a comeback. keep the faith~

p/s: This post is only based on kpop. Those that don't want to read can get the hell outta here. Thanx(:

2009-11-22T21:10:00.002+08:00

Just one more week left and im gonna miss thiis bitches till next april. January will start with attachment.haiyo. Boriing~

Sorrie for not updating that much. Well im joining a dance comp but criuzly i dont have that much confident to take part in a competition. Met a new dance member, Ika. She's exactly lyke my bestiie, yatii. The only diff is that Ika has a lil more brain than yatii. hhaa
Had a dance practice evry now n den. Not to 4get syu are joining too..

On last thursday my group presented our PM project which start 6 weeks ago. We rehearse it at the very last minit but somehow i don't know where did my confident suddenly came from and i talk and talk and talk. haaa
All in my group member did a great job especially Nas. haha he spoke in a british accent that made me and the group member laugh.
Pm over now left with PBL(Project Based Learning) its under CN soo u can imagine how tough it is. We need to do the portfolio, mindmap and presentation about our cased-study. I hope we can managed this one last project b4 sitting for our 1.2 exam falls on the 30th now & 1st dec. Wishh me luck ppl(:

Okay let miee tell you bout what happen yest. I and my sis were stuck in pasir ris as we missed the last bus and train. Shit ryte. Along with Sean and amiir we go back to pasir ris park and leypak there till morn. Ard 2 pluss Sean's father had to pick hym up coz he have a soccer match early in the morn, i felt so sorry for hym to miss the last bus&train just to accompany me all the way to pasir ris park to meet my sis. Thanx besstiieboii(:
After we come back from mac&sean had go home, mie nana & amir walk back to pasir ris park and sit at thiis bench, shiveriing. The wind at that point of tyme was way strong. We 3 are shiveriing lyke hell but still continue to sit there.haha..At 3plus amiir kuzzin called and ask we to miit em outside the road near escaped theme. We must hurry coz his fren who are driving the van has to do pick up at 4 near qlarke quay. n the tyme on that point is 4.01...
And that was the fastest van ride ive ever had in my entire 18th life. Luckily the road are not that full of cars. hahaa
He drop us 4 at kallang and we leypak there till 6 am. Make a hell out of noise with my sister till the 2 boys called us cik pon. Talking about skul with iqbal,amir kuzzzin. Exactly at 6 we make our way to kedai kopi to buy a drink. From there we walk to kallang mrt station took the train to raffles place, bounce back to marina square and sleep all the way till admiralty or shud i say only i sleep whereas the other 3 was talking loudly and non-stop lyke as if the train are ours. hahaa
Reach home and straight go to bed.....that was the best thiing ever...
Woke up ard 5 pluss and here i am on the comp agaiin....
I guess that shud bee all... need to finishes up my PBL project. Update soon(:

2009-10-28T23:03:00.002+08:00

The Illusion of Lies.

Dissapointed. Totally.
I guess i don't know you that much.
Im getting afraid each and everyday to wake up and fynd out that everybody's gone.
The sign you left behind confused mie to step ahead
or to stay where i am right now.
Im totally fyne, thats what you see miie.
but here within my chest that are beiing quietly
protected are drown with dissapointment.
i lost all my tears, just to feel lost, agaiin.

2009-10-22T23:31:00.004+08:00

Im still goin to talk bout my kpop craze here. Those that dont want to read then dont.
The picture above is one of the member from my all tyme favourite kpop group,super junior.
Well recently he have been caught up with many unpleasant news,report,picture and stupid stuff. If nothing lyke this had happen b4 then i would just stay cool and look how things go, but since the one of the other idol group had left his group just bcoz of things lyke this then im really worried. I dont want the same thing happen to my fav group. Whats up with all the ppl nowadays, barging into pplz lyfe. i noe he's an idol that ppl will look up to but above all that he's still a normal human being. I am soo damn irritated by this so i need a place to let it all out. I noe some may think tat im such a crazy woman to actually get frustrated over something lyke thiis and furthermore about a person and country that doesnt include u but still once a fan will always be a fan. So i wont care what ppl want to think.
Im just voicing out my worries as an ELF. I hope kangin oppa will get thru all of thiis(:

Kpop side donededddd.

I'll just make it simple and understandable.
For those guys that sincerely want to be friend with miie, i'll be more than happy to be one of ur friend. But for those that think im just a one minute stop over than fcuk off aiite.
You know who you are and if you still have that thick skin and continuing msging miie w/out me even bother to reply than it should be you. Im wasting my tyme as well as my p8 just to entertain daily-boredom lyke you guys. This kinda guy doesnt include my nursing male friend and my 2 bestiieboy.
One more thiing, dont be a 'smangat 2 minit' and dont always "ckp habes" if you really are unsure. Getting all hyper when you get what you want and then.....it dissapear just lyke that. How are we gurls goin to believe the words 'he' says...Be sure,then act.
I don't know bout any other gurls but from what i noe, girls will be very dissapointed when you give up so early. If not gurls will think that all the guy just will end up giving up halfway.
So its either you try till the end or dont even try as it doesnt make any diff if you still give up.

I hate beiing in a group with soo many guys and feeling uncomfortable every min, i rather chill with a few and feeling comfortable every min every second.
Atlast i update a post abit long than usual. Suddenly have the urge of writing evrything down.
update again tmrw..nytynyte!

2009-10-21T20:03:00.002+08:00

I need a diet!! criuzly seyy. goshh..haha
im looking back at my past picture and its a huge difference. Better stop eatiing siia.wkaka..
those that are near miie anywhere, plz stop miie frem all the junks food when you see miie wanting to take a bite aiite. haha.
wont biie updating much tday. 1st day of"red alert" so my mood, my temper are all over the place. so i'll end here kay..gudnitee ppl(:

2009-10-06T01:41:00.002+08:00

wakiing up at 6 in the afternoon..
call ice at ard 7 plus to asked her out tmrw for karaoke-ing
she wants miie to come down but i can't make it.
change of plan ,karaoke-ing at yati's dome on wed.
tmrw goin out with wawan maybe wii n ice..
he saiid survey2 some thiings...
so okay,im joining in.
on the 7th, ice ajak miie to her klassmate bbq pit.ton.
n on the 9 which is my sis and sean bdae, they are having a chalet.ton too.
so i dont know when to go..either ice's or my sis toning or i go both day..maybe..i can get permission frem my dad. i hope soo...
waitiing fer skool to reopen on the 12th. shucks!
updatiing agaiin tmrw.
doneded(:

2009-09-30T00:05:00.000+08:00

ok sesungguhnyerr lamer aku tidak mengupdate the BLOG. so here we goo
beside are all the pix tat were taken today. && Today is my dearest ICELOVE BADAE!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SITI NUR AISYAH BINTE HASSAN!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
YEAAAAHUUUUUUU((:

Firstlay ice msg miie in the afternoon for leypakin. As i have to waiit for my daddy &mommy to come back home so i tell her nant ptg lagii. Got a call from my aunt askin mie to fetch nurul frem skool. Its not that i dont want but i cant, ive already told the badae gerl tat im meetiing her later. & she's upset with it. I dont want to blame u for BLAMING mie, but really i cant. She msg miie saying bout her dissapointment and i was so piss off. b4 thiis is there any thiing tat i didnt help herr..she ask miie to fetch nurul after my werk and i did it evrydayy okay. So what the hell must she make a big fuss out of thiis.

At ard 7 meet ice and wanpkr at hiis housee. Masok jek tk smpai 5 saat kene kluar alek.haha proceed to grandcity meet mok lan and one of their fren. sm0oke drink~ and went to ice blok. sit at the playground and the picturing started...
p0se saner p0se sinii..mcm sak kiterr....den da penat dudok bebual2 hah....
ard 10 i proceed home

cant waiit for tmrw w00hooo...jln rayerr!!...will be meeting them at 1230 at yatie's house. then on thursday maybe goin jln rayer with my ite classmate..den on friday with my attachment mates..haha..den saturday goin brisk walking with my kuzzin ..hhahah..its hiis skool activity..evrybody is bz so i have to go..nvm atleast he can participate as he was very excited bout thiss brisk walking thingy. sunday maybe will be resting at home...
MONDAY will start skool..haiyaaa..boring~
ok den till here...&& slamat hari rayer maaf zahir batin sumerr(:

2009-09-01T16:08:00.001+08:00

2009-08-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

Beiing away doesnt mean that a person wants to be apart forever. It means that they are finding some tyme for themselves. i dont want any sympathy but just a little care will do. Never thought that im on my way for a downfall. Its usually hard, but now i cant feel anythiing. Everything is just numb. You can prick my finger and im sure blood will flow out but strangely i cant seem to feel the pain any longer. Its alright to cry sometyme but not all the tyme. I admit im in wrong coz myne is everyday. You shoudnt have said anything like that, coz now im living in worlds full of strange noises and most strangely is that, they talk lyke you, think lyke you even beiing harsh lyke you. Other ppl start my nightmare and sadly you continued it. of course it mean nothing to you but it mean the whole thing to me. Try being mie and you noe wat im talking about..

2009-08-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

im gaining slowly but halfway i lost it
lost it to my past memory, the same memory that start the whole misery.
To be able to accept the truth after learning it is something a human heart cant do. im human & there's nothing i can do bout it
Who can stand when some1 just know you 4 a minute look down on you, humiliate you.
When a person u called fren say somthing that stab you right in the heart.
When after tat you cant look up even to a stranger.
Hve you ever experienced tat since you started to noe the whole world better.
There no shoulder 4 miie to lean on, to hear my stupid complain or to cry with miie when i i feel like it.
isit bcoz of this i'm afraid to try on love.
So afraid tat my downfall will affect the other that i will give my heart to.
Sometymes in silence i've shouted 'enough' 'stop it' 'please' coz my heart cant take it any longer. but sadly no one hear. those werds i shout bounced back in my mind.
im losing every single bit of it. Those pieces tat i pick up slowly drops back all in one.
I wasted my energy gaiining it all back just to lose it.
I noe in lyfe theres abstacle.troble.misery, but i didnt noe tat a smallest thiing a word can do. It kills one heart.my heart. &slowly im dying inside. No werds tat i can shout now,not even on silence coz nothing gonna change.
Them, they still think of me that same.
I have gaiin then lose it all;all of it, my confidence.

2009-07-07T21:50:00.002+08:00

Somehow im missing the 8 days i spend in laos...
tho there had been alot of bitchiing but i still lurve the great tyme tat i spend there.
The free and easy nyte...the friendly bartander....the teacher tat actually joiin us in doiing thiings tat are not supposed to do....My crazy and yet great friends tat i share room with. They are the one tat were with me wen nobody are...
i really had a fantastic tyme wiith syu farisha fatiin in theiir room. not forgetting yaseer who brighten ups the mood too.
Whatever i do there is somethiing tat i never done b4. lyke selling few thiings to the lao ppl in order to donate to the school tat we are buildiing.
Also thiis 8days really open up my eyes so tat i wont trust anyone. xcept those tat i really want to trust.Infront they are lyke angel but behind they stab you lyke hell...goshh! its a shameless act.
But still i liike beiing there coz the great moment are a lot more than the unpleasant one.

for ppl tat i cannot trust there still i fynd those few ppls tat i want to trust. so its lyke a exchange for miie....

Its sad tat i can't meet up properly with my fren when i came back. due to my flu cough fever i cant get out of my house. thanx to wawan wii and aiis who actually come to my house even for a short whiile.
I got 3 days mc so i will begin my attachment at sgh on thursday. Honestly i really want to do a good job as a nurse there. just wiish me luck!

you are the 1st to see the other side of miie
the gentle care u gave miie
the shoukder you let miie lean on
the soft touch of worries-
really, i do appreciate it
still you are the 1st person who can see thru miie
those careful werds you wrote
was what i thot nobody wud noticed.
i had a great memories with you
and i thank you for those
little but sweet memoriies(:

2009-07-05T13:23:00.002+08:00

The pix of my laos trip...actually not all of the pix.. many are still with my fren. i cant take tat many pix as my hp and dg cam all are out of batt. unfortunately i didnt bring my charger..
well pix tells thousands of storiies so i wont biie typing mucch..
really missing those 8 days in laos!!!

2009-01-17T23:07:00.006+08:00

Its been lyke soo long gitu kn i didn't update well here it goes..
got my result on the 12 of jan. I knew it. i flung my o.damn. Surprisingly i didnt cry on the spot maybe coz i knew what's the outcome. Showed my mom and she sounded dissapointed. of coz she would. for my dad, he just said nicely to mie that its okay coz maybe you will be taking better course in ite. I knew that was just half of hiis feeling but the other half was damn dissapointed.
I never was goin to cry but hearing hiis soft and understanding voice i just breakdown. Weird~ lyke the fatherly feeling kn. My parents asked miie to take nursing which is at ferst i dont even have any interest. But thinking back, nursing is the only course that have a bright future. so~ nursing is my first choice. yeah? hah

On the 9th jan. my kuzzin bro and sean have safely landed their feet on chua chu kang training camp! haha..both are in army now. keke..gonna miiss dem soo much
but sadly i didnt get to see the both of them b4 they went in. chesssh.

Yest went to east coast for bbq. its to celebrate the january baby. heeee wiira and yati i guess. Lots of ppl were there. we have a hela lots of fun. eating~ eating~ and eating~ ..i get to learn a few tune of guitar for the song "cintaku dipermainkan" but i tell u its pissing my off coz i juz can't get the whole tune. we sing, we eat, we talk, we fight, we laugh, we jokes arnd. I just felt happy that day. maybe coz its been a long tyme since we have been thiis way near the sea. huahuahua.crap~ heeee..
having my bestest fren lyke aiis yati wiira wan apiik bella together with otherz are juz too much fun. i juz wish tht tyme wud stop soo i dont need to go back..
and b4 i went home with mamat and bello..i drink. i juz want to try. not coz of anyone want me too but i juz wanted to. heeee~

and juz now went to cozway to eat with feinda at kfc. luckily we find a place to sit. phew. i was laughing all the way as u see, theres this few ppl that dont even think to find a place first but instead go and order their food jus to reallise after that theres no empty seats. and they have to wait with their tray full of food. whatever siiak. hahaaa..then we proceed to near aiis block leypakin. at 9 45 we walk slowly to my block and sit again haha...
at 1030 then we officially go home. heeee~

ohya! last three day meet andy at aiis place and leypak. haha long tyme no see hym and once see lots of thing to talk about. ermm...i gez thats all..
update again tmrw aiite...

oh0H! aiis! if u reading my blog.plz send all the photo frem the bbq. hee thnx!

2008-11-15T05:23:00.004+08:00

Wat a great blazz! haha...here it goes again my fanatic twrds kpop! Picture tells it all okay. With the Queen of sexyness and pop, Lee hyori make a comeback with her album it's Hyorish! God~ im soo excited bout her u-go-girl dance. Nyaha. Also making the biggest comeback Rain/bi or Jung ji hoon with his album rainism. He's getting soo damn popular in and out of korea. Whooohoo~ love him since full house. keke
And lastly..no introducing is needed. The king is back on their homeland. Dong Bang Shin Ki 4th album for korean fan title mirotic! The dance was superb! hot! fantastic! When they perform their hit song, mirotic at asian song festival, all the boyband including fahreinheit jaw drop to see such great performance by DBSK, the only boyband that broke the world record with the most numbr of fan. COOL~ rite. Fahreinheit even ask to work together with DBSK. But the only group that i see match permanently with DBSK will always be my Super Junior.
Super junior are busying preparing for their 3rd album, I just can't wait for them. Especially when Donghae already cuts his hair. haha..
Okay! that will be all. .
Hyori, rain, dbsk&suju Hwaiting!!(:

2008-11-15T02:41:00.003+08:00

These are some of the qoutes that i check out lately..somehow it really left a deep impression for miie...
well here it goes...

-William Butler Yeats
Hearts are not had as a gift, But hearts are earned...

-Anonymous
The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.

-Samuel Butler
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all

-Toni Braxton
How could an Angel break my heart? Why didn’t he catch my falling star? I wish I didn’t wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart.

-Kahlil Gibran
Friendship is always a sweet responsibilty, never an oppourtunity.

-Amy Tan:
Destiny QuotesIf you can't change your fate, change your attitude.

-André Maurois:
Destiny QuotesIf you create an act, you create a habit. If you create a habit, you create character. If you create a character, you create a destiny.

-Lanes Company:
destiny QuotesIf you don’t make things happen, things will happen to you.

-Ursula K. Le Guin:
Destiny QuotesIt is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end.

2008-10-11T15:40:00.003+08:00

Today is the 11 day of rayerr. And i only had about a week to my o level. Im gonna flunked it. i Noe it.
On the 9th is my beloved sis and sean birthday. I bought her a bracelet with her name on it. And for sean, i guess i already told him what i wanted to. Im sorry i can't make it for ur celebration.

Ive been wondering all day all night for the thing that i have done. Nowadays i ended up doing something that i don't want to. Im always hurting someone that i dont to..

i ain't gonna cry no more but the tears won't stop falling
I don't wanna hide again but i ended up running away
I wanna laugh freely but my heart keeps on hurting
I wanna be who i am but im always somebody else
i wanna meet hym &be happy but i can't
i don't wanna hurt him but i lied to him
i don't wanna that to happen but it happen

I had soo many wishes but it turn out the other way round
i know he expect soo much from miie but im sorry to make it go wrong. I can't deny that i really liike hym but not evertyhing that i wish for would turn the way i wanted it to be.
You see...I always broke some1 heart in the end. That make miie the evil one here.
I nvr regret meeting hym, nor liking him. He make me smile thruout the days that i noe hym. I frelt really happy just thinking of him.
Im really2 sorry for hurting you.
Im sure he will find the one that will love him more and purely.

Thank you for those wonderful times. I noe im fcking stupid to break ur heart. You deserve a better girl than i am now. May u have a blissful lyfe ahead!
Sarang hae yo.

2008-09-22T21:48:00.004+08:00

well pictures tell it alls.hahahacelebrating my badae wif my family..Niwae..Happy Badae too, my twinnie,Dyniie. May all ur wiishes cum true aiite!

Sean wanted to see thiis video so i upload it. At skul was fun for the 4 free period as mr koh are not there. Doing our own thing and massage. With marvin and zhi hao become a PEVERT! hahaa. Marvin sure messed up my haiir when he said he wants to make it look sexy. Sexy your head! It end up looking like hiis broom. Chet! hahaha.. I hate it when ppl touch my haiir but since he wass dreaming to become a hairstylist one day. I become his first customer.hahaha that's insane seyy..

Oh my! my art are finally over la seyy. The submission just now and i kept crossing my finger when i submit it.(Tho i ask farah to submit it 4 miie) I can now concentrate on my other subject, or shud i say all the subject. cheesh. Mr junus had given miie a warning for my weakness..haiish.. 28 more days...i hope i can make it.

Okay back to my badae topics. 1st to wish miie is of coz Sean.then my family, izwan,yati,rasul,ayunie,haikal,my classmates,irfan and lastly azman(his badae is just b4 mine).Thanx you guys!

Talking about izwan, he suddenly msg miie n say sorry about all the thing he do to miie. I was shocked really. I thot tat i'll keep it to my self but he knows everything. Well i dont know how but gez today god favours miie. ..uhmm..

well i gez thats all...I really had a great tyme wif my family on my badae this year. Thanx mom&dad for the delicous meal, the shopping and also the 50 dollar u gave miie hahah.

Thanx to my big and lil sis, my aunt and kuzzin for making it alot more fun. I gez thats wat family are for..lurve you guy..mwahhhh

SarangHaeYo(:

2008-09-19T22:31:00.003+08:00

Tday supposely i have to go out wif wiira wan and apiik wif their fren. At first i already told wiira that im not yet confirm. But then i think it thru "why not as its been a long tyme since we done that". But to noe the truth that they are bringing more of their friend last minit somehow shocked miie. Truthfully i really wanted to go. I change my mind when i noe iit. Why they didn't tell miie? Its not that im making a big fuss out of this. I have been to gathering wif ppl that i dont noe and it turn out really bad 4 mie. Im just scared that my friend will sumhow make fun of miie infront of the ppl that i just met later on. It happen b4 and im not feeling to good with this large group of ppl. What can i do? im a coward. Hiding myself at home. I dont like having too much ppl that im not comfortable with. I get the feeling that they will make fun of miie.

haiish. But i noe they wont understand miie. There will be a cold war btwn us on monday. Monday is my bdae unfortunately. I wont expect anything. I noe they wont talk to miie even if its my badae. Yarhh..this year is sucking miie upp. But can't they just pretend?
uhmm...i have my reason. Its not that i want them to talk to miie. I just want them to understand.

Wan ask miie why i didnt go, I said i was sick. I cant possiblly tell hym that i dont lyke large group. Then he will question "how did i noe this". They kept it a secret frem miie. Some1 told miie bout that.
well its okay.

Niwae. today is the first day of my RED-ALERT day.haha..ive been busying wif my art these day. Submission is on the 22 sept. erk!! On sat n sun im gonna werk hard to finish it up. Hope it turns out well. dah!
ok

2008-09-12T17:34:00.004+08:00

yest was fun. Meeting yati and aiis. Ferstly we terserempak with haikal wen he was odw meeting his friend. As usual funny as always.haha. Then we proceed to bazaar 4 food. 4 buke of coz. We went ard the bazaar countless tyme ending up buying dinding and ayam percik. What to do im fickle minded. i want that den i change my mind. till aiis and yati was lyke whatever! haha. reach at her place we serang her room haha. and when finally the azan sounded n guess who's the happiest?? haha. while eating, i watched heart of nineteen on tv. Of coz im not gonna miss it. its already the 80+ episode and no way im gonna stop watching that korean drama. its hard to find the episode on internet. Maybe coz the episode are way too many. Okay after the delicious cooking by chef aisyahnyer nenek was eaten we then eat sushi!! haha. it was delicious okay! take2 pix and yati have to go home coz of her exam tmrw which is today. Ais proceed to meet ejul and i to my precious bed. haha.

Today was abit boring. Had the math paper 1 just now and i had no confident of passing. well just wait and see okay. Go home all wet though i bring an umbrella. Weird rite? hah .Bath and to my fav spot that is infront of this computer. I had to use it b4 sumbody else does it.

Tmrw i will be accompanying yati to her kuzzin house. Im not sure if we buke there. but lets hope tmrw will go on smoothly. uhmm...well today sean didnt fast. He was sick and still have to go to skool.Cheesh. damn the project that he have to do. can't the project came aft he's betta enuff. hah. i sounded lyke his mom okay. Get well soon oppa! suddenly miss hym. cant msg hym now coz he's werking. yaya, money is everything riite. even im broke now and the only thing tat stoping miie frem finding a job is coz of the 0 level. only 38 more days to 0 level. Fast riite. it really iis. Once i know, i've already taken my o's den the prom, the new year and the result. Woah! im wondering what will 2009 be instore for miee ehk?

Korean alert! Farah, ive shown you that picture ryte? hah. sowiie your's wasnt there. haha. Farah miie and wei lin are soo into suju. We even plan to go on a vacation there. haha. Suju have begun their asia concert but the sad part is that it was not goin to held in s'pore. They had already perform in kl. Not fair! tsk. Just wishing that miracle cud happen. keke . Nyniie, you are soo retarded.

update it some other day kay. SarangHaeYo!

2008-09-09T21:16:00.003+08:00

Its been awhile since i last update my damn blog. Theres always ups and down in lyfe riite. so i gez this tyme is the down part of my lyfe. Recently or shud i say yesterday my mummy bought this desktop coz ive been bugging them to buy one for my art assignment. Talking bout art juz make mie feel haiishh. I wanted to finish em up quickly and think none of it anymore but i juz lost my interest in doin it.BATIK! wat did i know bout it seyy.. it seem so unfamiliar and strange.Atleast last year wen half of my klass doin Batik, miss nana was there to guide on the prep werk but now i totally lost it all. Maybe im not tat good yet in fashion but atleast i noe the basic and i can start doin it w/out asking for more help frem any teacher but batik? come on..even if u are willing to pay mie a million bucks, i still wont do it.
Niwae, ive taken my chem and geog prelim paper juz now. Dont ask oryte. Im gonna flunked it.

Few month w/out comp is torturing miie. No research, no korean, no drama and mostly cant contact sean wen my p8 is low. Talking bout sean, well we progress well as friend. He treated mie good. My sister said i was stupid to say i treated hym like my brother at him. what can i do realli. if u were in my shoes you will noe it but thats the problem. No one knows how i felt these few days. No one bother to ask how am i feeling today? Am i happy? what do i want to do most? is that difficult enuff?

What do you gain by hurting miie anyway? Satisfaction? You think it was alright to play wif my pride. I gez i lean too much on you guys that i felt it hard to find my way wen no one turn back.

I now wanna live life for my own. Being kind just never seems enuff. Beiing enuff nvr seems rite for all of you. Now im wif ppl tat didnt play a big part of my life in the past But being wif them sumhow i gain respect. They nvr care bout beiing on top or anything. They just do anything tat they like. Being natural. I can be who i wan and laugh freely w/out anyone stopping miie maybe im just different from all of you. Getting my heart hurt by you make miie realise our diff. I may not be as smart as you nor am i preety like her. i am clumsy, crazy but hey! i have the rite to prevent myself frem hurting any deeper.

Forget that! BTW on thurs miie and yati will be goin to aiis place for buke. Yeah!! cant wait. miss spending tyme wif jus the three of us. I hope i can puase full dis year..hehe oh yess Sean are fasting too, aint that great! haha he kept saying he was hungry and i kept on scolding hym for that. ahaha..hope he managed to fast full. Gd luck oppa! tmrw there will be math paper 2. and gez wat? i didnt study for it. keke. oklanh my sis cant wait to use the comp. update tmrw yow!
SARANGHAEYO

2008-06-24T20:38:00.002+08:00

today was slacking or should i say since it start schooling.
i've been doing nothing else xcept for taking a long nap each lesson.
im already losing the interest to study man. Damn riite? 'o' level are just around the corner yet thiis kind of thinking. haha. I really tried to study but as you know miie, nothing goes straight to my brain la kn. haiishh. my art are goin on smoothly. need to do it fast. lerr...mdm tan has change to a lion now! wuahahaha...shout there, shout here. luckily i put a deaf ear to it.nyahaha erm...tmrw gonna biie fuckingdamn bored. all two period subject. haiiyoo kk lah..chaoz!SARANGHAEYO

2008-03-01T17:44:00.002+08:00

*juz update!! wuhooo
well..im on holiday now..werking at csc..hahah it was fun
the supervisor are great to be wif..tho there are sum that had a stuck up face..i dont really care..we all do our own things..
uhmm..had bbq last wed..i came late as i finished werk at 4..rush dere and reached ardn 6++
haha..evryone was piss especially wiira. But i dont noe why he kept on giving me ridiculous lecture. i had to bare wif it since i noe i was late but at least b4 that i prepare 4 the bbq riite. its not lyke i juz bring my butt there w/out preparing anything. durrghh! haha..well affter that we had a great tyme..taking funny pic and soo on..
tmrw im werking 4-11. nk ckp mlz...yarhh...but not to the point of not really wanting to go...
this friday GOIN OUT!! with my Kechikk and kakak!! hahaha aiis and yati lerrr...kekeke
cant waiit to play bowling...
the first thing i get my pay on friday...im sure gonna buy a box set of koren drama!! haha..sorrie aiis, i noe u hate this..kekeke
mmm...i gez update tmrw again kayz!
SARANGHAEYO!*

2008-02-17T23:24:00.003+08:00

*Why didnt he notice my presence tho im always dere...
sum ppl say im lyke a fool who always waits 4 the impossible...but what am
i suppose to do wen my heart juz don listen
here i am crying lyke a fool...
watching hym from afar...
he's dere...juz rite infront of mie..but sadly..
he cant seem to see miie...
sumtymes u have to pretend in things tat u do
even tho it hurst, juz say it dont
even tho u like, juz say u dont.....
but love is not something tat can be endured or act out.....
i've tried hard enuff to let go...but i gez i failed...
each tyme i wanna move away...he appear again in my lyfe....
im gettin soo tired of dis...i wish sum1 cud stop me from thiss....
im living wif soo much difficulty but you dont even noe..
i noe tat its not me..tat im not worthy enuff 4 even a blink of ur eyes but sumtymes
cant u share u smile if miie even if its not lurve...
plz turn back juz once sumtymes if
i wait endlessly lyke diis today again its d one werd in my heart tat i can keep inside
im SOORY tat i LURVE you... *

2007-06-09T00:26:00.000+08:00

Suddenly i miss my yesterday
my last week
my last laugh...
my past..
Everyday pass make us distance much more..well..who wud care..onlii mie n wira does.
yarh..i owaez giv in. Its not tat i hate hym tat much. i only hate wat he had done. Ppl make mistake. Everybody's not perfect. But he seems not to care nimore. I gez i think too much bout dis. I pity myself 4 having dis weakness. 2 forgive n 2 ferget. I can easily forgive n ferget everything. But why is dis werld soo cruel as to snacth away ppl tat are important to miie.
i already lost how many frends n now theres one more tat had been taken. Maybe later 2more or maybe all.
its fate.Destiny or wat soever. They can sae anything but they have no rite to hurt miie. Wiira sae tat he wants to biie lyke how we used to biie. Even i have the same wish.But im not sure yet. i can happily welcum hym back but wat bout d others?? is it onli miie n wira had the same wish??
How can they biie soo selfish! I noe its hard 4 dem but...wat bout us..its even harder to live life with hatred. Haisshh..i cant understand my lyfe now..
im already alone w/out loved and now w/out fwenz..Haishh!!
They will think tat i am hypocrite coz im saying good thing bout hym. Its not hypocrite! It is a feeling tat only miie n wiira noes.Feeling tat happens only wen we care bout our frendship.
maybe im angry at the ferst place but now..im sad more den beiing angry. Everything become the worse of worse.
I didnt even imagine it to biie lyke dis. Its not even on my vision.
if i noe dis happen..i wud change it. But wat can i sae feelings cant biie force. It happens juz lyke tat. N u wont even bother 4 whom u actually falls 4. Bout tat actually i dont blame hym.
haishh..i have to moved on. How many time must i sae it?? Eventho i sae tat plenty of time, still im stuck with the same thing. juz look on the positive side i gez..
i wanna look 4ward. Ferget those tat actually exist on my past. But i gez i need time to ferget my past frend n my past lurve. Its goin to biie over soo soon. I hope..
but the wish of getting the 6 friends 2gether again still embedded in my heart.*-_-*

onceimangry
twiice imtense..
thiirieimshocked
fourthimsad
nowimwishiing everything is fiine...

2007-06-05T17:57:00.000+08:00

Why ppl don want to hear the other side of story??Why must they jump to conclusion?? Dont they have a brain?? Do they noe tat somehow it will hurt the other party?? Does HE think bout tat?? Does HE even noe tat it hurts miie badly. Why cant YOU juz ask us why we do tat?? We have our reason okae!! YOU think tat we are tat bad.YOU say tat nasty werds w/out even think tat it will hurt us. If YOU noe the truth, you u do the same thing to!!
Why must all diis happen?? Its was juz last week tat i thank god for giving miie 5 bestfren!! but now...its all OVER!! YOU HATE us rite?? I cant stop u frem hating us even if i want to. But the truth will be out sooner or later and u damn will noe how much u hurt us!
YOU noe sumthing..friendship meant alot to miie more den everything. i noe YOU wont agree, but its the fuckingtruth. We were soo close juz last week. and in juz a few dayz our friendship turns sour!
What did we do wrong? We try to survive on our own now. Juz wanna sae thanx to all my 5 frenz 4 the best memories we had 2gether. Afterall we have to moved on.

i had enuf living in werld
of lies!
he was juz a beautiful memories
tat tyme we were fren
this tyme we a stranger..
but he doesnt noe the truth
tat lies beneath our throut..

2007-05-30T02:07:00.000+08:00

Many things really had happen dis few dayz. memorable thing n worse thing. maybe dis year ish really putting a end to everthing.
its lyke ive been punished everyday 4 the one mistake i made. my eyes are gettin tired of watching the same old thing again. Even sum1 closed to miie actually are putting up faces. Wat is happenin to dis werld siakk. Can u ever say sumthing lyke tat to ur close ones?? Wen will she wake up?? must he really experienced the knock out b4 realising it?? Gossh!! its really hurting us damn bad. Wat will u get anyway by behaving tat way??
actually im not in a gud mood now..dont now why..
everything change extremely this year. nIhateit! someone piss miie off!! n sum1 punished miie everyday!!
haiyaa soo siian!! well i gez tu jek..mlz nk tulis pnjg2..

u try to hide
but i actually noe it
you punished miie evrydy
4 one mistake tat i made..
eventho he'dmovedOn
it gets so hard 2 walKaway...

2007-05-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

its been a long time since i wrote here..

exams are over and my result SUX to the max..

im feeling really useless thinking bout it..haisshh..

well..i was damn bored wen i reach home..soo i thot why not lets juz

read some of my friend blog..

i read farah's blog..i click on october and september 2006 ..

i read and read..it was on the september 22 on my badae tat i stop.

she wrote tat she was all alone..sitting in skul following ppl. what actually

bothers miie is tat it was dini and mine badae. i remember we had a great time if

im not mistaken..but not to spare a sec thinking bout her is something tat i regret the most.

how can i treat her like tat. i kept reading and reading. till october..the most sadden month

for her..for god sake i dont have the intention to make you suffer.

you might not believe it but i actually cried wen i read it.

i noe how it feels to be helpless in a situation wen you cant do anything to defend urself.

honestly even i hace no courage to stands up 4 myself wen they make fun of miie.

maybe tats why i can feel how u feel at tat moment. it really touches miie wen she says our smile and thank you mean alot to her. No one had ever say like tat to mie.

she says too tat how she wish she cud turn back time. Even i have the same wish.

now all are over. im assured tat she are happy with her cupcakes. maybe its too late 4 mie now to say it but i have to say it, im soo sorry. my heart somehow ache so much to read all the past. we were happy b4 dis happen. all the crazy stuff. i really miss it. its not tat im not happy with my lfe now but i miss the old thing..im sorry if i had hurt you.

i noe how you had been suffering for how many month last year.

its my mistake not to sense your emptiness.

now every each of us have different life story. i hope you wont erase the story of our friendship once build long time ago.

its the best ever story told.(even better den a walk to remember)

have a better life ahead you and owaez remember something tat you had wrote in ur blog..

nobody's perfect not them not even miie. toodles!

the written werd made miie shiver

not in fear but in sadness.

how can i be so cruel

not to think tat ive scrathes ones heart.

im sorry

the werd tat i can say.

hoping tat we all moved on

but having with us the same memories tat cant biie forgotten!

2007-04-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

Back 4 soo long. Quite a few things had happen this past few days. About the last last tuesday tat i perform on stage, i thot it ends dere but to my surprise we have to perform again next tuesday but now with our full dress! Is not that i dont wanna do it but...im juz scared. Im not ready yet to be infront of many ppl tat i noe. Many things can happen even those tat i do not want to.

last week, the 3Gegerlysious-aiis yatii and miie with wawan fiqar watch FREEDOM WRITERS!! It is based on true story. I hope everyone who had the oppotunities to watch movie, i suggest plz!plz!plz! watch freedom writers! Its a nice movie. You wont regret it if you watch it. The movie had got to do with teenagers nowadays. Watch it!

On saturday as usual i have to go follow my aunt and mom to mousque learning religous thing. On sunday im at home doing nothing.She bought cd of the sinetron drama tat was on suria-hikmah.Box one and 2..it was a great drama 2. Yesterday...kinda bored in skul. All the same old things again. I just cant wait to pass my secondary life and move on to a new life. Its hard to survive in secondary. By the studies..teachers..performance...and mostly the PeoplE.

Haizz...i jus cant stop thinking about my upcoming performance. Maybe most will laugh again and we will make a fool out of ourself. Haissh..i hope tat everything will go on smoothly.I hope nobody will laugh and make mie Extra nervous again up on stage. Plz support us no matter how bad it may turn out to biie.

Hmm..i got another thing in mind tat are bothering miie many times but i juz dont bother but now it has happen again. Ple are using mie coz they need mie. Need mie 4 their plan. When they are being thrown away. They came to mie and treated mie way too good.but wen they had get back wat they wanted they will leave miie and started to treat miie like shit!

Im not a thing tat they can use or watever! haishh..its hard living and harder to die!....i juz dont want them to use mie like as if i have no feeling. if u ever want to care 4 mie den think whether u really care 4 mie if u think u juz want to care 4 mie juz for awhile 4 some a reason, den u might as well stay far away frem mie. Get it?

Many ppl say we should forget
the pass and live 4 future,
but how could we live w/out our memories?
Having to live with memories is the only way
to be better living 4 today,tommorrow and day after.
Having to say something in the past tat hurts others may be over,
but it is like hammering a nail to a
wooden plank and taking out the nail today or tmrw,
meaning-everytime we
hurt someone feeling it is like
hammering the plank and when they get over it we should take it out.
But what is left are the hole in tat plank,
the wound is still left in the heart.

2007-03-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

I dun wanna live wearing a mask of somebody elses.
Today, many things had happen. My most fear happens
today, to be up on stage letting ppl watch mie. Tat is wat i fear most, to be a
center attention of many ppl. I hate tat kinda feeling which pull down my
self-confidence. But wat am i saying..even in the first place i have no
self-confidence for myself.Im always feeling low. Thinking tat ppl dont respect
mie.Thinking tat im not worth 4 anything. By thinking lyke tat im started to be
somebody else tat i dont want to. Im living in dis werld with a mask. Im not
myself. Im surrounded by ppl tat pretend to be something tat dey are not juz to
make everyone happy.
But im sick and tired of living in dis kinda situation. I
wanna break freely. Moved around anywhere and happily. But dis is reality! Fear
had conquer mie and no one yet had saved mie. I nvr take anything 4 granted but
its life tat take mie 4 granted. im always afraid of losing something and to no
surprise i still lose it.
Enuf of tat! well after the performance, i had my mt
oral. It was fast as i was to go early coz i had dance. Den as usual on tuesday
we had practiced until 5 plus. Get back home. lay my butt to my bed and
rest.......
after all wat the ppl had say..i thought to myself. Why
am i soo fucking afraid?? It is my passion! Dancing is my passion! Im on the
early stage. Yahh i noe some are damn better dancer den mie.. But i think i
can do much better. I lurve to dance but why must i be afraid to show em
wat i can do. It doesnt matter if it looks bad on others..wat is important is
whether u had work hard on it! Im sure i did. Only fear tie mie down to
glitter upon the stage..I need somebody tat can really boost up my confidence.
To accept wat i can do and wat i cant do.
To accept and not accept
is wat i wish for
but im tied down
by something weird here
its something tat
i wanna get rid off
its something called FEAR.

2007-02-26T21:48:00.000+08:00

Wei wei wei...long tyme tak tulis ehk!
uhm..well many things had happen nowadayz..
in skul at home and everywhre..
figthing, happiness,sadness,coolness..
sumer uh!

Theres dis one day taat make mie happy
through out the whole day.
well lyke how it had happen b4
i thot tat ive forgotten hym
but wen he appeared infront of mie again..
the feelings juz wont change..
is wat ppl say true tat lurve at ferst sight last 4eva?
i dont noe..
but im not perfect for anyone's lurve..
i juz noe how to lurve but not to show..
maybe tats why i hurt too many ppl
even those tat lurve mie soo much...
but i didnt mean to..
im not wat they called mie a bastard...
well...some boys says that not all the guys are the same..
tat refers to the gerls too..
not all the gerls are the same..

latest news wen both my fwen had a big fight..
uhm..asking mie who i support??
well..i dont support anyone...
both are still my fwen..
i yati ais and bella are the middle person so we had to be fair...
its up to dem to decide who is the ryte and wrong in dis...

i and yati had dis new name..
u noe wat?
its FAYANIRA.....hehe..
its made up of four name..
mie yati and another two more which i think u no need to noe...

Talking bout my common test..only two passes..ishk!
chem and mt..haha..math another 2 more marks..geo another
1 and half mark to past...aiyaa..
physics..uhm gone case uh..
but social studies havent get..i hope i pass...haiz..
art oso must pass up on thursday for CA marks..haiz..

well i think tats all uh..
mlz nk tulis panjang2..
and one more thing..
we usually practiced our dance at link house..
hehe tu pon nk blang..durgh!!
ok lor..tataa..

2007-01-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

i Hate how lyfe is now...
its empty
lonely
useless
hopeless

its feel only with my sis n frenz.
how i wish i can stop the tyme of tat day
den i wont have any complain.!!

today sux alot...
im having a hard day at sku..
having dance but u noe wat
our step didnt move!!!
wat the fuck sak!!
after skul at 12 15 den have to rush to change
clothes and muct be there at 12.30
den..
do the sickening exsercise which i think
can possibly kill us..
den!!Sebastian juz concentrate on the main role..
atleast give my group a few step den last tuesday one
but no!!!
all the way we had to practice the same thing
all over and over again while he
lyke a fucking buyers standing and teaching the oter part
if today he wanna concentrated on them..
Den WHY THE HELL CALL US TODAY!!
if i knew tat i swear i wont come!!!
den wen we practice it den sit down for a while dance sumthing else
he lecture everyone and tell us
tat we shud be disciplin and
wat so ever...
talk as if he's the greater dancers left on earth!!!
frust siak!!
if the exercise tat he gave us not so tiring den its ok
but its a fucking damn tiring one where he use at his yoga wat so ever!!
TALK MORE BUT ACTION LESS!!!!!!!!
haiyaaa....he's the one who waste tyme buden saying tat we waste tyme..
comparing lah us wif other skul!!1
i juz had 4 werds for hym..
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

den come home tired2
cannot sleep coz my body had dis cramps tat
make mie feel uncomfortable..
den juz now..my aunt ask mie to help
her.. but i was damn tired!
i always do as she told mie but today really i feel
damn tired! den i say later..later n later..
she lyke 'merajuk'
and my mom n dad!!!
kimak..marah tk pasal2 sak!!!
its not tat i want to do it purposely!!!
i was tired and my legs a damn cramp up. ..
shit uh!!
den talk2 crap!!
saying i dont care about my family lar...
think about only my friends!!
heyyy!! always follow my friend den i wud do anything dey do...
i wud buy things tat they buy!! i will buy all the things tat are already torn or useless!!!
but i didnt!!
i didnt ask for tat!! my shoes!! how ugly it is i still wear dem..do they noe it?? no they dont!!
t shirts..jeans!!everything tat are useless already.. did i ask dem to buy it for mie!!!
i always see my friends buying things they one branded one..beutiful sumore..
of coz lah i jelez...but i tell myself..i cant buy it..where to get money!! i cant burden my parents again!!
but now they are blaming us!! blaming mie!!
i always follow wat they say!!
but den today wat he says really hurt mie!!
he dont understand but yet he say he does i juz kpt quiet
if i say...
den he will bring all our mistake back!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck siak!!!
he dont noe how im looking forward to be together as a family!!
but he always make things go wrong..
wen im dissapointed i juz kept it!!
but wen his turn!!
he blew us away!!!
haissh!!haishh!!!
how i wish my grandmom is here!! i really2 miss her..
nothing bad lye this or more will happende!!!!

i took a few step back
wen i hear ur voice
u sounded so confidence
n make mie a timid
i bet u dont noe
how hurt we are
but yet u still
pretend u noe everything
i swear to god
today
u make mie hate u..

2006-12-30T18:04:00.000+08:00

Hey..dere
ellur there...
well i have juz perm my hair ...
erm..i dun noe if it looks nice..
it juz look ok to mie
erm..i gez soo
but im still happy with the changes
fer a long tyme im in my straight hair..why not change it
rite??
today or perhaps juz a minit frem now ill be goin to kl
for wat ehk??
dah nk start skola aru nk holiday
hahaha
i don noe oso..
but watever!!

well..skul gonna open soon
and im soo EXCITED!!
not to as in look at the teacher
juz wanting to look forward to my fren
miss all my klazmates and the kecohz behaviour
biaserlar..kate 4n2 kn!!!
hahaha
ok den...
now im gonna concentrate on my n level
boipren2 sumer tk nk dulu
nk knal2 bleh uh! hahaha!
mcm paham..
ok den nk berangkat nie
bye spore!! haha

2006-12-23T19:23:00.001+08:00

Hey..
long tyme didnt write..
uhm..so mlz!..
on 19 dec we went on as plan..
mie shasha fein yati ais&andy
it was damn fun..
raining but still fun...
the wave was so unexpected..
ive nvr seen tat big wave b4..
maybe coz it was raining..
we went back at 7 plus..
but ais&andy went home ferst..
take 966..mie yati n fein
shasha had to take taxi
she wanted to meet iman!!
the jerk!!
den..luckily wen we are reaching wdls..
fein ask mie to change places wif her..
by the tyme we change places..
she vomited!!
OMG!! poor her..
maybe coz she havent eat yet..
haiyoo...
Reach wdls i have to meet my parents
they fetch mie and we go n makan at vista point!!..
go home n sleep!!
well..yesterday
my parents n sis wif mie went shopping at bugis
brought somethig for skul..
the gals went out wif shasha
and buy their "own" things..
uhm..i gez i buy it later wif my mom..

X/X_FYNFADE_x\x

I juz noe the story bout my fynfade! its so sad to noe tat we are not lyke b4

its all over. To efah dynie farah n fifa..

i understand ur situation tats why i dont blame u all too much for watz happening

but its not yatie ais n shasha fault too..i noe they sumtymes are a bit demanding

but wat they mean are for the good of us..

they dont wanna bother ur lyfe but they juz miss the old u guyz..

Is it wrong to miss FYNFADE?? Is it wrong to dream of

reuniting FYNFADE??

Even i dream of reuniting FYNFADE..but i noe it cant be..

they didnt give up.They still believe in FYNFADE...

so can u imagined how hurt they must bie wen u all sae tat FYNFADE cant bie

together again.. They must bie hurt..

i cant do anything for dem..i didnt even give to much to dem..

i didnt ask anything from all of u...

i juz want dis wish..and i hope u will understand it..

Cant we bie lyke b4??

Can we stop blaming each other??

Can we 4get wat we are arguing for??

Can we smile 2gether??

Can we go out and hav fun again??

Cant we hold our hands 2gether n whisper to each other

ears and tell wat our future are lyke??

Can we?? Cud we??

Why wont we??

Its nobody fault..

maybe its juz tat we dream too much on dis relationship

tat MAYBE..in the ferst place there is no

future for it..

Can i tell u all the truth??

I MISS u all!!..i miss u all soo much..

the jokes we have wen we are 2gether..

the laugh we had...

the tyme we spends almost everyday..

i Cant imagined how can u ferget tat??

Maybe not everyone had done the perfect part

in dis FYNFADE..

But theres one common things rite..

we do LURVE each other rite??

do we??

I lurve FYNFADE soo much..how can i go on living w/out dem..

i noe it can nvr be restored again..

Can miracles happen??

Must it end here?? lyke dis??

Dynie-Efah-Farah-Fifa

Shasha-Yati-Ais

Im sorry ..if i cant reunite us 2gether again..

im sorry..if i have not done much..

im sorry..if somehow im a part of dis arguement..

im sorry if i bother ur lyfe..

But theres one thing u guyz shud noe..

I lurve u guys soo much!!

I cant even expressed my misses to u guys...

Juz hoping everything will be back to normal

u and mie 2gether again..

im feeling helplessly

seeing all being pull apart

while im juz sitting here

wondering

about all those happy moments

the memories

tat make mie smile sumhow

and cried wen

its all over..

the pleged tat

we had taken

was juz past

cud miracles still happen

at dis point of tyme

will dis little fren of theirs

wipe my tears??

2006-12-23T19:23:00.000+08:00

I juz noe the story bout my fynfade! its so sad to noe tat we are not lyke b4

its all over. To efah dynie farah n fifa..

i understand ur situation tats why i dont blame u all too much for watz happening

but its not yatie ais n shasha fault too..i noe they sumtymes are a bit demanding

but wat they mean are for the good of us..

they dont wanna bother ur lyfe but they juz miss the old u guyz..

Is it wrong to miss FYNFADE?? Is it wrong to dream of

reuniting FYNFADE??

Even i dream of reuniting FYNFADE..but i noe it cant be..

they didnt give up.They still believe in FYNFADE...

so can u imagined how hurt they must bie wen u all sae tat FYNFADE cant bie

together again.. They must bie hurt..

i cant do anything for dem..i didnt even give to much to dem..

i didnt ask anything from all of u...

i juz want dis wish..and i hope u will understand it..

Cant we bie lyke b4??

Can we stop blaming each other??

Can we 4get wat we are arguing for??

Can we smile 2gether??

Can we go out and hav fun again??

Cant we hold our hands 2gether n whisper to each other

ears and tell wat our future are lyke??

Can we?? Cud we??

Why wont we??

Its nobody fault..

maybe its juz tat we dream too much on dis relationship

tat MAYBE..in the ferst place there is no

future for it..

Can i tell u all the truth??

I MISS u all!!..i miss u all soo much..

the jokes we have wen we are 2gether..

the laugh we had...

the tyme we spends almost everyday..

i Cant imagined how can u ferget tat??

Maybe not everyone had done the perfect part

in dis FYNFADE..

But theres one common things rite..

we do LURVE each other rite??

do we??

I lurve FYNFADE soo much..how can i go on living w/out dem..

i noe it can nvr be restored again..

Can miracles happen??

Must it end here?? lyke dis??

Dynie-Efah-Farah-Fifa

Shasha-Yati-Ais

Im sorry ..if i cant reunite us 2gether again..

im sorry..if i have not done much..

im sorry..if somehow im a part of dis arguement..

im sorry if i bother ur lyfe..

But theres one thing u guyz shud noe..

I lurve u guys soo much!!

I cant even expressed my misses to u guys...

Juz hoping everything will be back to normal

u and mie 2gether again..

im feeling helplessly

seeing all being pull apart

while im juz sitting here

wondering

about all those happy moments

the memories

tat make mie smile sumhow

and cried wen

its all over..

the pleged tat

we had taken

was juz past

cud miracles still happen

at dis point of tyme

will dis little fren of theirs

wipe my tears??

2006-12-18T20:22:00.000+08:00

bad bad bad...
juz felt bad bout it
wen i noe tat we've change
i noe somehow somewat
it will happen...
yar yar yar...
watever it is
Juz now woke up late so
i reach dere late..
the match had begin
it was quite fun
mostly wen izad part..
it was criuzly funny
they wanted to shower
went to stadium but cant go in
izad n emy went in ferst..
all of dem had to stand outside..
tk lei masok
hahaha kesian nyer
went to dudok fer a while n i went back
but yati ais ndy n eve go to eat at banquet
i reached home n get a phone call frem shasha
talk fer 20 min
n SLEEP!!!
wooke up n eat..
watch chinese drama
n called ais
talk about tmrw
actually i dont have t he mood to go tmrw
coz most of d gerls are not goin
yar...have to understand rite..
luckily shasha fein mie yati ais n andy are comin
maybe iman join us too
Why sei im feeling so upset now..
since at day
theres something bothering mie
maybe i now it
but i juz don wanna admit it
i didnt want 2 creat more trouble
but i juz dont wanna 2 pretend animore
i cant!!
im breaking apart...
its a hard feeling tat sort off
playing in my mind
why u made mie feel dis way..
its a quetion tat often come to mie
if u don wan mie animore
i can walk away..
rather den stucking here feeling
lyke nothing but a stupid bitch!!
aww!!..its a nasty werd..
but tat is wat im feeling rite now..
nothing but stupid and useless bitch!!
i really dont want to come in between u and ur fame or watever
i juz want my space and tats it
if u wanna share mine..
i gave it..
but i noe u wont shares urs wif mie
well i dont give a damn about it
im juz sick and tired of giving in to u step by step
wen its juz mie to be blame hurting u
wen u dont even noe tat u hurt mie
long enuf w/out noticing it
wen i try to tell the truth
u turn ack my lyfe and gave the
pathetic ever attitude
tat somehow somewat i have to give in
is it fair
i dont care who u are and wat u are to mie
but the way u treated mie
SUX!!!
i hate it..
u dont do it directly
but silently..
why dont u try putting urself in my shoes and u will noe how
much i suffer
how i actually feel
why am i behaving tat way
and why the fcuk im changing!!
wen i say dis rite in front of ur face
i noe..
u will get hurt..
i wont..im still standing by..
hoping for MIRACLES to happen
and knock some senses out of u too..
tired tired tired writing bout dis...
how i wish i dont even noe u frem the
ferst place!!
well watever..
i juz hate the way it is now..
i hate u!!!

u made mie say it
at last i say it
yes im changing
to stand on my own feet
taking nothing for granted
and not making u
step on my head
i hate u
and tats it!!

2006-12-18T00:16:00.000+08:00

Back again..
uhm..bout on friday--
i went and follow shasha and i gez it is our lucky day uh..
to shasha..i think after 2 years..
u are goin to be gorgeous!! :p
heheheh..]
she waited fer mie at my block about 12 noon
take bus went inside cozway ferst coz she wanted to buy
cat bottle i gez..
yup..fer her cat tat she wanted frem gundu andy..{ill story bout tat later}
take mrt...WRONG SIDE ONE..haha\
change and headed to outram..
i thot it will take a long tyme but fortunately not soo..
coz its a routine one..every month had to go..
lucky mie..hahah
stop at jurong to meet shasha fren
buy gig ticket watever..
well..i must admit..ryzal shasha fren
quite cute..haha but attached!!
hahaha
juz kidding..
went back to my house wif her
want to watch chinese drama lar
luckily no one at my house..
fun uh..see her goreng telur lyke DRR!!
makan sume..
watch vcd...
play comp
and den went to wdls mart wen she actually left mie to go home by myself..
haiyaa..u noe near my house got dis two cats
and they usually "meet up" infront of my house
as if my house is a cat port..
yar yar watever..
i got totally freak out wen i see on the other side of my house d ct was dere
so i go by the back
and i dun noe why
the black cat as dere too..
cant go in..
scared sei!! so i waited fer while under my block
after an hour..
den i try my luck by coming from the back...
inspected all the place and run open my door..hahaha..
naseb baik no one see..
if not wat malu jek lar nyniie!!
Next day which mean on saturday
juz accompany my sis to buy her contact lenses..
pathetic ehk..juz one bus straight nk suro tman jgak..
hahaha
got one gud thing happen!!
she step on a disgusting MUD!!!
eeewww...
got dis maid offer her tissue and i juz keep laughing!!
jahat ehk aku!
i went home and she meet up her fren
uhm ok juz now...
went out fer dinner..
wif the whole family
u supposed it to be a fun one rite
i thot so too
but it change wen my father start talking bout my sis
tkkan lar kn my sis want to diam
haiyyoo
there one thing tat i hate most
is to see my father argue with my sis
i cant stop dem
i don have the rite too..
im juz 15 u noe
n i cant do anything
no one is rite and no one is wrong
it juz tat my father sumtyme cant understand the situation
WE ARE TEENAGER!!
i sumhow ask my sister to juz keep quite
but yar i noe how can she wen she is in the situation
haizz...its gonna be a tough one...
So juz ferget bout it
juz hoping everything turns out rite..
bout andy and shasha
shasha is totally piss off by andy
he promised to give shasha his cat budden
he gave it to sumone else
haiyoo
apelar andy..lau kau tk janji tkper
ni dah janji
mcm maner dier tk menyinger kn
uhm..did i ferget to tell u all wen i go out wif shasha
it is our lucky day
coz we saw soo many many many many
hensem mats
hahahaha..fyne watever!
tmrw go pdg dragon watch soccer match
i think soo
on 19..
im not soo sure
many of d gerls are not goin
haiz..why sei
i thot on 19 will be my happiest day tat im looking forward too
but i gez nop
all my hopes had been destroy
chey!! mcm paham!!
mmg paham pon!!
dah lar..tired uh
must go to sleep
anyway..insyallah..
im goin to perm my hair..
not spiral one uh
but maybe ceramics or wavy or juz dolly!!
MAYBE jek uh..
ok den..tataa

i hate to sae dis
i hate to think of dis
but somehow
u hurt mie
not directly
but wen im smiling away
u cut my heart
to pieces..

2006-12-15T04:03:00.000+08:00

Hey!! its lyke 4 in the morniing but i cant sleep yet..
theres sumthing wrong wif my date and tyme..
how can to change it..hehe
Yesterday didnt go out..
i dunnoe why..i thot aiis ask mie to follow her to
watch Mi soccer watever..
but theres no rings fer mie so i juz
stuck to death at home..doin all dose stupid stuff
maybe dey had cancel goin out yesterday..
Juz now or maybe yesterday
fein ring mie up and ask mie to go out
so ok..supposed to meet her up at 2 but as
per normal i came at 230..hehe..bUs LaMbT uH...hahaha
den we proceed to toilet..den KFC
got dis irritating untie ask mie and fein to move our place coz they need space
well i juz kept quite but fein was damn furious about it
she made the untie frustrated sia! hahaha
after the delicious lunch den our window shoppin begins..
we walked the whole of cozway point
and went into each of our favourite shop to look at the wonderful things
inside the ip-zone was fein and my favourite..
i got to see the skirt n pants tat i wanted to buy and fein got to see
a sweater with pocket hoods tat she wanted to buy..we stay in tat shop for
a long tyme..
den check at chemelon for rings
after how many rings we tried but fein said lets go buy sumwhere elsa..haha
can u imagined tat face of the salesgerl..mad but still smile..haha
went to metro coz fein wanted to bully wan fariz but unfortunately
we cudnt fynd hym..so evil uh fein!!
check out clothes at metro too
Buy my ringg At mini bit and try out the things there..as usual fein try the ring
and for godness sake she cant take out the ring
wen the salesgerl come she pretend showing mie the ring
wen shes gone she quickly push hard the ring!! hahaha..tat was the funny of all!!
uhm..try all the shades..
i try a head scarft light brown with dark brown pokker dots..
it was so beutiful!!
must ask my mom for money uh!!
went to civic and look at all the booth
my god the accesseries there was gorgeous man...
there was a offer or earings so we took a long tyme to look for the ryte one..
paid the money
and look at the bag booth wif great bags!!:))
Hey not to forget bout getting ourselves in kiddy palace where we fynd sumthing gud!!
there ws dis medium size pood bear wif it cute face and actually it was a speaker..
its pair of leg is where the sounds are produced..
and there was a wire behind it
oh my gosh!! so adorable and we get ourselves excited over it..
pretending all the things in the kiddy palace was to brought to skul!! hahaha
can u imagined it!!
After all the tiring walk and looking at things..
i ring my sis..she was at cozway too..
fein want to lepak but i cant coz chinese drama uh at channel U 7pm..haha..
den i ask her to lepak wif my sis..
sisi waiting fer kak julie n sasha..
i leave dem at 645 while dey begging mie to stay..
sorrie!! cant!hehehe
den..sitting at hme as per normal..
now cant cloz my eyes..
tmrw had to follow shasha..
uhm..
Im upset rite now...
i dunnoe why and i dont want to keep it..
maybe tats why i cant sleep yet...
sumhow sumwat it bothers mie
and i cant keep it aside..
maybe it takes tyme..i gez..
well..tats all fer now..update
tmrw or maybe later on..
tataa

must i feel dis way
or shud i feel dis way
why am i feeling again
tat im being drifted away
am i to hopeless to u
or juz u cudnt care
well i dont care animore
its up to u
to decided...
coz i noe i lurve
my ownself
even if u juz cudnt bother..

2006-12-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

Have u thot bout it--
About loving sumone tat u noe u cant reach em..
bout reaching sumone tat u noe u cant have em...
if u had-- den u shud noe how it felt..
how hopeless u feel
how hurt kills u frem inside...
the thinking tat u are not gud enuf
owaez come to my mind
am i to blame for the thing tat already happen..
theres a song tat goes
how hard lyfe is
but i noe its the way tat i mst live in
even tho
its so unclear and unfair
god i know
theres a path for everyone
i must believe and holding on
im wishing i was somebodyelse
nvr let fears conquer mie
cuz i noe in my heart
wat i can be...
Nice songs isnt it..
it sound soo familiar to mie
to my lyfe..
tat are so unclear..and unfair..
haiz...
i wanna ferget hym...
i thot i had..
but wen he was dere infront of mie
back to my lyfe..
the feelings tat i once throw
rush in back
and now i have to start forgetting it all back..
he's juz so high up while im still stuck
to the ground..
he can fly freely out dere..
while i can juz walk where feet can take mie
see how differnt tat is..
but still dis stubborn heart juz wont listen
and it took a risk to fall in lurve ..
and now it had crush..into pieces
i cant match it back
i cant fynd the lost ones....
and it will never be found...
all i can do is juz sit back and feeling hopeless..nothing else..
its funny how u can watch ur heart being crush
and u cant do anything bout it..funny..in another way...
Can u laugh wif tears in ur eyes?
or cry wen u are laughing?
its a strange question rite...but sumtymes...
it happens to u...
w/out u realising it..
somwtimes..u wanna be the most happiest person in the werld..
but ended up being the most hurt person in the werld...
or even...u wanted hym to noticed u in a gud way
instead u noticed hym in ur foolish way....
foolish or not..must it matter??
i noe it does...
well...im stepping back from u werld
im stupid..soo stupid..
to even think of loving sumone lyke u...
it must be embarassing for u rite??
not anymore...
u wont even gonna noe if i still
do lurve u...the way i did wen i ferst saw u
im not hoping for anything
im not gonna to..
it will break more...
im leaving ur werld...if tats wat u want...
but i cant force my heart frem stop loving u...

i cry and juz cry
thinking how bad i must bie
to turn u away
and making u hate mie
im stupid juz stupid
to fall for u
tat are not for mie
to smile infront of u
wen inside im dying
to juz had the chance to glance at u
but not looking at u
its u i lurve
its u i must leave
no matter how hard it is...
i had to watch my heart crush...
by sumone i deeply lurve..
if i knew u were there..
i wont take the risk by coming along side with u...
up dere
down here..
heaven can nvr meet earth
how can i ever dreamed of meeting u??
coz u are the heaven wen im juz a gerl from earth..

2006-12-08T20:41:00.000+08:00

Haishh...
i thot atleast sitting at home is so called relaxing
but instead..nag there..nag here...
haiyoo...so frustrating...
watever!! im juz not listening to any of their werds again..
its driving mie nuts!!

Well tat day i got conflict wif ais..maybe coz i wrote sumthing tat hurt her
i dunno..i juz don wanna noe
coz rite now we are back too normal..
i hope soo...
on tuesday..we wnet out 2gether to escape..
me ais yati efah ndy and eve..
quite fun..but its juz tat i and eve are not so lyke how we used to bie wen we are fren
haishh..maybe i think too much bout it..
i and efah went homw abit earlier den dem
My fahther!! understand understood!

On wed..
Yati ais mie went to shasha house
to send her mother to airport..
they are going to haji..its a islam law..states tat every islam must once in their lyfe
pay a visits dere..
well i hope i can after my grandmom passed away..
my hope are abit fading away..
she promised to bring mie there..
sadly..it is sumthing tat was already too late..
hmm..
seeing all of dem crying at the airport really touch our heart..
after tat we go to tamp eat at kfc while witing for the gundu andy to come
take bus 168 and go back to wdls..
lepak at civic..
andy went home early...argue wif ais i think?...
or sumthing..??
den meet shasha long distance kuzzin..hahacks iman uh..
meet my sis too and lepak at admiralty..not too long as my mom called and cam biaser lar have to go home..

yesterday not goin out..tired maybe..
juz now have to..
buy my skul books wif my mom n dad..
went to cozway after tat..buy juz small things..
and now sitting at home doin dis..
actually rite now im soo frustrated..
why am i to blmae for everything tat i done..juz bcoz of a small thing..dey make it big
and den put all the blame on my shoulder...why??
i juz dont understand my parents..and why cant dey understand us...
i noe theyhave problems and we are trying our best to understand their situation
cant they do the same..not only dey have problems..we too..we are not showing dem or sumthing..
we juz need dem to understand it...
they think tat we dont think of dem.. bout their feelings..their problems..how hard their lyfe is now..
for god sake we do!!..we do think of all tat..why is it owaez mie stuck in dis kinda situation..
their problems and their suggestion is effecting ud but we juz kept quite
thinking tat wen we told dem it will put more burden to dem..so we dont
does tat show tat we dont care...
i care!..my sister care!!
i dont think dey noe tat we care!!
dey juz thot tat we think of ourself...

haiz...
watever it is..we still stand strong bside dem..
afterall..they are still my parents..
mm..i gez tats all..
update tmrw..
tataa

im scared things are not turning
to our direction..
if it happens..
dont u make me give up..
coz i have given up everyhing
for the sake of ur happiness
juz give mie the strengh..
to smile and go on
wif my simple yet complicated lyfe....

2006-12-02T20:04:00.000+08:00

I get a new lyfe!
really..
i gez i wanna stop living in the past again
start a brand new one
forgetting everything
tat had been bothering mie
and smile happily wif those wanna
smile with mie

ive juz realise how tough
lyfe is..
even wen u wanna prevent it
it juz came
and break down
ur lyfe wall..

cRaP!!
i noe i noe...
but tats the fact tat ive been trying
to come hold on
believe it or not
or maybe juz bELiEvE it..

well..
these dayz i have been
at home..
not going out..
tired..or maybe juz
i dont wanna go out
theres too many things tat
have been playing on my mind

But den
a gundu fren of mine
knocked some sense out of mie
yar..
its kinda painful
hearing it..
but above all..
its something tat totally
made mie realise
how stupid i was..

So i throw
all the things tat i dont wan
anymore and juz
look forward
and awaits for my happiness

drr!!
thanx alot
shasha.
u are one of a kind
of fren tat cares for
ur fren in a unique way!
hahaha..
hey!!...u are unique!!
kembang uh tu...hahaha

ok...
i think
tats all..
niwae..
tadi i go out.
take my sis n kuzzin to their religious claz..
and it was at ang mokio..
and i was lyke all alone..
but watever..it fun
haha

Now in my new lyfe
im looking forward to be with my fwen!!
Shasha ofcoz..
and wan..he is now my super best fren!!
ok lor..i think tats all..
last wish..
hope tat DaFfYn will stay happy where ever they are
with or w/out mie!!
juz one last quote to all tat read dis
and i hope will remember dis

dEaTh LeAvEs a hEaRtAcHe nO oNe CaN hEaL...
lUrVe LeAvE a mEmOrIeS nO oNe cAn sTeAl...

tataa

*sWiTlUrVeKiSeSs*
Xx_N.y.n.ii.3_xX

2006-11-26T20:29:00.000+08:00

The whole day i was sitting at home
Doin nothing..
Juz maybe feeling guilty..
Or perhaps more den it

It is something that im afraid of
and it happen yesterday
i break his heart again
again...
someone heart is break coz of mie
No one is to be blame
but mie..

I swear i didnt mean it
i swear it is something i nvr
want to happen
I swear i nvr plan to broke ur heart
if only i knew dis wud happen
i wud stop myself from playing wif ur heart

I noe now that it is hard for u 2
bear it
Im soo sorry for wats had
been happening
so sorry from the bottom of my heart

Thank you for understanding
it really mean alot to mie
Even tho we are apart
U still are my best fren of all!!

sOrRy!!

2006-11-25T15:03:00.000+08:00

Hey!
i noe..long time no write...ive been bz...bz sleeping all day..hahakz...
so...wanna noe sumthing..
well...on the 20 i tried to give my heart a space. Yar..i was his...
i really wanted to try...and...yar..maybe i can succed..

I juz wanted to say tat juz try to understand mie. Coz as u noe i had afickle heart. But im still trying..trying to lurve u more den anything. If there is a stupid mistake in my attitude..juz paham2 ehk...

So...on tuesday i went out to vivo..mie eve ais yati andy and fifa--
we watch step up.It was a damn great movie. I lurve the dance step..uhm..after that we went to eat at ljs
i wasnt quite hungry so i juz ate a little.
walk around vivo as it was so big..
i asked ais yati n fifa to pass by the aiskrim shop and the cofee shop..haha...
to see my bro and his fren..
saw amirul with his blonded hair..haha step maksaleh celop lar tu!!
but he was buzy entertaining the customer so i gez he didnt noticed.
We went up to a park..there was lyke a swimming pool..haha..well..we juz stand around and watch the so called beutiful scenery.....After that of coz we got home..
He send mie home
at about 2 plus den i sleep.

On thursday uhm...i was supposed to meet up wif ais on bns at 4..
And gez wen did i reached..hehe at 4.30...
wen i was going up the escalator someone called my name ans i was so shoced to see Nash.
Can u believe it he said he was on the same buz as mie juz two seats away from mie
and he called my name so many times but i didnt noticed hym...hehe sOrRy ..
He juz came back frem werk..
I was supposed to meet wan oso so he said why not he join us..
Ais was not at the bns
maybe coz i was too late..
His fren came and he wanted to smoke
he ask mie to follow hym..
heh! after called mie a pompan giler..nak suro ikot!! Dasar tk tau malu!!
hahaha
but i still follow..
standing beside hym and i noticed haha he actually grow taller den mie...
wah!..dah besar sei...hehe
after all tat i meet ais and we went to eat while nash waited fer wan.
meet dem at mac and lyke how they use to be
they ate up our food w/out asking..haha 'muke tembok'
but it was fun..

Den ais had to go home
so i lepak wif the two gondols..
they ask mie so many question tat i cant even ans..
but really it was fun
coz it was quite a long tyme we didnt lepak..
they are still the same...belo and funny...hahaha
den khai and andy were there but not for long
as they have to go to 504...

At about 8...we went home...
i was with wan
as nash have to go sumwhere else..
so...laugh2 wif the belo...
den reached interchange we went our separated way
hahaha

Yesterday...i was suppose to go wif all my fwen to escape
but sadly i cant
my mom
nagging all day..
have to be a bdak baik fer a day..

I gez they were having fun..
at nite i reaceive a msg..
frem Azrie..
To my damn surprised
he top up fer mie..
20 dollar sumore..
giler tol!!
tk mintk ehk!!
hehe..
msg wif hym and eve..
ended at 2 plus..
went to sleep
woke up at...
2 plus haha..
juz finished bathing now..
haha..
editting my blog and maybe stay at home
fer today..
bdak baik agik!!
hehe
uhm...ok dah!

I hope tat u will
understand
wat my heart really are
i hope u will not be hurt
someday bcoz of it
if anything happen..
i juz wanna say..
plz..understand..

2006-11-19T18:01:00.000+08:00

well...yar my blog has been a little off these day..i dont now why but den my cute fwen ais say tat my template has something wrong wif it so i change it and WALA! nice isnt it..hehe..but too bad my tagboard is gone.ill ask ais to put it fer mie later on..

ok..on my past dayz..not soo much happen..juz tat my kuzzin and untie had moved out..haishh..it is soo sad tat my brother had to leave...miss hym alot..even if he sumtimes is a bit pain in a butt but still without hym my daily lyfe is boring...

Yesterday my another untie moved in to my house..oh my god!! the thing tat had to be carry up from the lorry is fuccking too much! But i and my sis have no choice but tocarry all the kotak up to my house..luckily its juz the 3 storey..well..not fer long tat im gnna leave this 8 years apartment and moved out to 755..yar..near eve house..so hope to see u often..hahackz...juz kidding!..
On the middle of the carrying all tat stuff..can u believe it tat my sis falls asleep and leaving mie wif my aunt maid to do all the things...she's juz so idiotic freak..but i do understand that she is tired due to her daily skul hours at temasek poly. so want or not..i have to LEAVE HER ALONE!!..hehehe

Yesterday too..i went to Farah open house at her new house...wow! i must say farah tat u got a nice house and lucky to have the master bedroom. Ferstly i ask fifah to come to my house so tat we can take teksi and pick up ais den went straight to farah house. See the hindustan at her house..gerek sei..hehe..
After tat i and fifah went to yati's house watch she's the man while waiting fer ais and andy..
Had to go home wif fifah..

Now after i had tidy up all the things..i check on my msn..Azrie was there hehe..so juz chatting wif hym..update my blog and sitting around..haisshh..so boring..

**How i wish tat u were by my side
**How i wish tat fairytale do exist
**How i wish tat i will be happy ..Without hurting you..

2006-11-11T15:34:00.000+08:00

hello...ill juz update later on..hehehe..sorry...

2006-11-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

Juz now lyke wat we planted we went out watching the scary movie-the grudge2
And it was fucking scared..too many suspend!!
i and yati keep on shouting coz every part of the movie must be the scary part..hehehe
after tat we all-mie yati wan eve wira ayie fikar fifa and den ais and andy came lepak at civic garden..ooopps forgot tat syazwan was dere too..after 15 min zal came too..we talk2 ...laugh dere laugh here without knowing tat maybe we neglect wira..he went home without saying anything..haishh..tak tau asal??

about an hour dere or at 9 45 they wanted to go home but i had to wait for my sis...luckily i got two bodygurds hehehe eve and wan...
waiting for bus at interchange wif eve and my sis suddenly!! adek eve dtg...bapak dier ader so he have to go..poor hym...chill k eve!! hehe..

reach home open my msn and friendster... got a testi from hym.. so if u are reading dis let mie tell u wat u wanna really noe...

I didnt mean to be tat nasty to you wat u had said to mie really hurt mie alot. Im juz sick and tired tat for everything its mie in the end are at fault. Knaper mesti sumer slh aku?? I tried and tried to sabar ngan perangai kau yg kadang2 to sensitive. Aku dah mlz lagi nk jage prasaan kau k..i juz had enuf of it..u once said u hate mie so tats the end of it...slamer ni aku try nk pretend tat i feel nothing...but actually do you noe how much i suffer becoz of ur behaviour!! kau ckp ngan ais sampai nangis and sume kesian kn kau but do you noe how much aku nangis pasal kau pasal nk jager hati kau!! Dah lar!! maybe dis is hurting u but last and final..gudbye!! dont bother trying to meet mie...

2006-11-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

Its almost one in the morning but still blom tdo...long time not ritong coz my comp is under repair..hehehe...now im using my sis laptop...wah!! Drr!! niwae story cikit bout my past few month lyfe...

well...i had been attached! on the 24 of sept first day of puase tau..jgn main2..hehehe...go on..go on..but tapi wat to do...cant have hym for long..hehehe...yayayaya ppl often called mie bastard but hey..they dont noe mie...sumtimes i myself dunnoe hahahaha!!!

surprisongly..or not surprisongly...broke of 7 dayz b4 rayer!!!!! Drr!!
after tat tk contact...
on rayer..
like alwayz..free show at my house hearing my father lecture for an hour den all of dem cry cry cry...watever!!

2nd week of rayer went out wif my klazmatez...FUN!! on wed wif bdak tech...and it was fucking irritating!!
u noe why?? its bcoz of a small thing and end up im being scolded!! wat the heck sia!!!
watever!! to whom it may concern kn!! GO TO HELL WIF U!!!!

anywae i cant type more as theres one irritating freak waiting for the comp!!! yayayaya my stupid so called brother!!...
kk lor got to go..
tata

(Nynie)

2006-09-08T15:03:00.000+08:00

Melo! sorry tat i didnt update my profile..as u noe i am a buzy gerl..haha like real..so here start the story of my past few dayz
<>
<>
<<>>

{{wELl yEsTeRdAy wAs AgAiN a mAtCh bEtWeEn AcAd AnD nT-RoVeRs..}}
{{aS UsUaL mIe AnD mY bEsTiE wErE dErE wAtChINg DeM aNd SuPpOrTiNg DeM..}}
{{ I tRy To sPeAk To hYm..bUt He JuZ TuRn HiS fAcE aNd dOnT bOtHeR bOuT mIe}}
{{ i mAdE aN eXcUsE tO lEaVe..eVeN B4 ThE gAmE hAd EnDeD..}}
{{ aCaD lOsE ThE gAmE...*SoB*..hAiZ..mAyBe NeXt TiMe We WiLl WiN dEm BaCk...DuN lOsE hOpE tO mY kLaZ...U sTiLl aRe ThE bEsH!!}}

(~ tO eRrIe...iM nOt mAdE aT u...I wAs JuZ mAyBe SeNsItIvE..ARgHh! I mYsElF DoNt UnDeRsTaNd It....i ReAlLy DuN wAnNa hUrT U oR hYm...jUz BaReD wIf MiE iF i MySeLf DuN tAlK tO u..i NeEd SuM tImE aLoNe..iTz NoT Ur FaUlT..itz JuZ tAt i CaNt pLaN mY oWn LyFe AhEaF..I jUz HoPe WaTeVeR dEsIcIOn i HaD mAdE sTiLl WoNt ChAnGe OuR fReNsHiP....rEmEmBeReD tAt U r sRiLl My FweN... ~)

(~ tO dAfFyN... I dOnT nOe WhErE tO sTaRt...iM rEaLlY rEaLlY vErY sOrRy To AlL Of U iF i CaNt MaKe It At *9*... iTs nOt TaT i WaNtEd It To HaPen ItZ JuZ TaT i CaNt fOrCeD tHiNg To HaPpEn DiS fAsT..It Is aLsO mY dReAm To hAvE sOMeOnE rItE By mY sIdE tO bE wIf MiE...aS I sAy...iT CaNt Be fOrCeD...iT CaMe NaTuRaLlY wItHoUt U eVeN ReAliSiNg iT...SoO SoRrY...i HoPe U gUyZ ReAlLy UNdErSTaNd My SiTuAtIoN..~)

xXxX ~ eRmM.. WeLl tOdAy I cAnT gO ouT aS Im ReAlLy SiCk...sHh..dUn TeLl AnYoNe..hAhAx..JuZ kIdDiNg...im ReAlLy NoT iN tHe MoOd To Go OUt ToDaY...jUz nOt My DaY tO Be hApPy...NiWaE...cOmInG iSh MY bAdAe N mY tWiN..I rEaLly HoPe TaT aLl TaT wE hAd PlAn FoR wIlL gO sMoOtHlY...I tHiNk TaTs AlL...I mAy EdIt At NiTe...tAtA ~xXxX

{<<nYnIe>>}

2006-08-28T20:39:00.000+08:00

Melo!! Today at skul ofcoz slack like hell...so sian sia...teacher talk2 non-stop...den..got assembly on a boring topic..haiyo...after skul i accomponied ais and dini wif her 3n1 frenz to the kfc and EAT! yummy2..den wira and faez take us to the tekong and wait for bout an hour for the match to begin...NT-ROVERS versus wira team...at first Nt lead the matchslowly by slowly my team catch up...
On the second half the Nt had scored more den us..the time is finishing fast..
at the end of the time..a miracle happens and our team scored!!! Wow...so damn happy...
but to the errie hussein they all..sorry..but u all did do a gud job..niwae...we still support u..
to my team...u are the best!! great job guys!!mUaCkSzZ!!MM..I think tats all..im having a bad flu rite now and a slight fever...maybe coz of the excitedment..haha...tats all..
TaTa

2006-08-26T12:56:00.000+08:00

Pics from CIP...

2006-08-26T12:22:00.000+08:00

Melo...dah lamer tk rite ehk...haha...buzy beb...erm...brief ehk...uh...everyday kite lepak main basikal arh..lepak kat currypuff arh biase..main alipom..hahx gerek..erm..on thursday 3n2 ish goin for CIP..hahx fun arh...but the great part is tat we go there not to pick up litter but to take dozen of picture until i and farah kena scold for not taking our bin bag..hahx...she said she wanted to take the camera..hahx...wat only...den wait for the buz..inside bus all like listening to haiqal speaker...fun arh...quite fun...reallyy...den wen we went inside gate we saw the magia team preparing for the match...i ran to the toilet...for bussiness lei...den went inside the field while waiting for them to start their match..i support NT rovers...i bet wif finda tat NT rovers will win but sadly they lose...ey...bcoz errie injured ehk...if not i tink NT rovers win arh...hahx...dis tuesday match between my klazz 3n2 and NT rovers...dunnoe who to support...den yesterday lepak at currypuff again...watch they play football...haiz...i juz found out the truth bout one of the guy...haiz...it is soo sad and painful for mie...so all dis while he was juzt using mie coz he cant get her...wat a lyfe!!....all dis while he was not sincere..all tat he had said to mie was all a lie...watever...I oso had feeling tat one of dem had...arghh!! watevr! watever! i really wnt to start afresh...and i dunnoe why noe i like to be alone...coz im juz in pain wif my lyfe...i want to forget the past..i dun want to hold on the past tat are actually not meant to be kept ...start anew wif a new chapter...forget all the person tat i had once fall for....go on ...go on!..and Go on!!

2006-08-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

Haiz...today is an end to everything....haiz..*sOb*...after skul we were happy as we are going to the pizza after getting our $14 back..we all had a lot of fun..we promised errie and hussein tat we go lepak wif them..so dini n farah went home left me ais and yati..meet sheevash n farhan..firstly we go park..den we meet amy they all..juz 10 minit sitting there we go elsewhere..we reached traffic light coz we plan to lepak at currypuff..we saw wira they all riding their bycycle..i thot they felt nothing but actually there is something on their mind..i got home early and get a call from ais...I was totally shock wen i heard she cried! den i heard her voice uttered wira's name..surprisingly wira wanted us to forget them..wat the hell man..i thot we are okay wif wira only wif sharil n fikar tat i had a conflict wif..must they do dis to us..again ais said coz of husen and errie..wira said tat we does not need them anymore!! no! itz not true! i really treasure my friendship..we all did not go out wif them anymore coz of sharil and fikar! they said they want us to act as if we dont noe they both so we thot tat they will not like wen we go along wif wira..itz not tat we dont need wira all! den husen and errie had a conflict wif ais coz ais was trying to make things rite...we try to be fair so tat we are fair to both frenz..they both came back to our life at the same time but den left us at the same time again!! Must we get this treatment! why are u all being unfair to us..we are trying to be fair but instead u all put the blame onus..have u consider our feeling! we are a gerl! we are sensitive but we hide all of tat juz to make u all happy! *sOb**sOb* why??!!! plz..understand our feeling too..we dont want to lose wira and husen they all but they all juz dont care bout our feeling...hey!! we have feelings...we can be happy..we can be naughty..we can be cheerful...but most importantly we can cry!! all this while have u all noe wat i had been thru..i have been goin thru hell!! but i hide and pretend nothing had happen wen im wif u guys!! Must u do dis!!to us!! we had enuf of dis..fine!! if dis is our fault den SORRY....i had nothing else to explain....i juz want they to one one thing bout fynfade...Fynfade are not wat they think are like...we may be happy and cheerful...but actually inside lies a lot of broken pieces tat we hide wen we are together....tats wat fynfade are bout...we have FEELINGS TO CRY too!!

2006-08-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

These are some of my pic taken wen i went to see fireworks at esplanade on sat and tues..

2006-08-15T19:46:00.000+08:00

Melo!!haiz..today ends in a bad way sei..Sial tol! kk brief on my past dayz..erm..on last monday boring jgak arh kat skul coz tkder paper..bler gie hall ader assembly on aper mepek haram arh..kekek sak..beh soknyer half day coz celebrate national day..masok kul 8 so wira n izwan amek aku kat bwh blok sampai kat umah yati jek jumper ais n yati arh..tunggu drg amek dini punyerlah lmbt beh kite ramai2 masok skola haha cam besh gitu hahax..
beh kat parade square duduk dpan amy n irfan dgr drgnyer lawak2 bodoh tu...hahax..skejap jek coz kite kene wat answer to dis paper yg irfan amek..drg mepek sei...tempat padahal jauh2 drg kate kat cozway lah..ader lagi bdoh kat blok 521..hahax..perjer..duduok 2 beh hujan renyai2 so aku n yati bkak payung..
erm..after skul we all follow wira go play football..fun sia!..den at 3 plus reach home get ready to go at esplanade wif they all..
we all reach at bout 5 plus den straight go..erm..we reach at 6 plus arh den go food court to eat lar..but dissapointingly deres not enuf sit for us but at last we managed to get for all the sit..erm..after tat we went on to esplanade..wat a crowd as usual but den irfan n they say just walk to the end of the esplanade..i start to question dem..if we go on wat will we see? but hey we reach the near the rock whre the sea are just below us..aiyo wait so long for the fireworks to come..
the fireworks suddenly splash out without us preparing it..it was so damn great..the fireworks are so beutiful..den irfan said make a wish..hahax.can come true meh?..after the great fireworks we took a lot of picture...den we got free tranposrt to go home..irfan father wants to take us home wif his lorry..i was so excited..its a open one so the breeze is so damn nice..erm..feeling the strong wind my eys were sleepy..so i lie down on my knees..den the lorry stop and i bang on to irfan..hahax..sorry..haha..den they all were kecoh coz of the wind meesing up their hair..i was so called lucky as i tie my hair..haha..den reach at yati house i went down wif her..coz i had to take 962 and meet my kuzzin n sis at admiralty..tanx to irfan and his father tat i and dem had that wonderful experience! tanx loads!hmm..on wed n thurs i juz stay at home..hmm..on friday see anti rover verses teh o..but sadly teh-o lose..den on yesterday oklah....not much..
but juz now..all wnet ok but only at the last period all change..sharil and fikar made yati sad and i noe why..but they dont have the rite to do it wat!..den i went back at my sit..to my surprised sharil and fikar tell mie a few phrases tat i had written on my personal DIARY! ho dare them..i was dam shock and angry..not even one of my fren had read it so why must they read it..itz all my secret inside and they can still laughing reading them to mie..i was in tears a few second but deni rage my anger..how can they do tat!! they have no rite to do it!! i juz hate those who did thet!! ill nvr forgive u both!! nvr!!

2006-08-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

Melo!!..today i woke up abit late...maybe coz yesterday i slept at bout 2 ++...After goin to esplanade wacthing fireworks!..So fun..firstly wen we are about to move to the mrt station we saw wan fariz...den our journey together until orchid den he turun..erm...i ais izwan ghaffar n faez went down at city hall.. we saw wira first thing we we come out of the train..after tat we went to a bigggggg shopping centre near esplanade to find a place to eat..wen i and ais couldnt find one coz dere so many ppl ..each of the boiz started to give mie a sulky face..Hey! i wasnt my fault tat the eating place is full...they want us to find a place still..so wif juz not talking much i and ais try our besh to find one..we finally did wen we reach at food court on the top floor of tat shopping centre..but again..no place to sit!!..we walk around and around like a mad group trying to find one wen we saw zhi hao hao and jonathan sitting outside...i try to take the oppurtunity wen the boiz were bz chatting to find a place but failed still..
giving uo we went to the long john silver..again no place so i and ais waited outside and got group of chinese bois purposely trying to block our way..we were really frustrated but juz smile...
Izwan den came up wif an idea to eat other place den here...so i thot beach road but ais said its to far..izwan oaso suggested beach road and so are the itherz..poor ais..hehe SORRY!..ais like not agreed wif it but i try to explain and ended but not talking to each other for maybe about 15 min..hehe..we started talking wen she handed mie his mp4 to listen..wakaka..tanx to the mp4 i guez..erm..after eating at beach road..we quickly dash back to esplanade...to my damn surprised...the place was crowded..damn crowded...its like the whole of singapore were there..the rooftop was cloz so we have no choice but to went down...wow!..i must say itz my first time i saw esplanade like tat..but fun arh..beh juz now at skul...so sian but ok..
erm....last period we sleep sia..so shiok...wait2..pe we play basebal!! hahax...i guez tats all..after the bubble tea..i so dizzy liao...erm..k lah..
tata

2006-08-05T14:23:00.000+08:00

My Fynfade...
Kuzzin..for life..harts dem many2
Wira and mie wen we are wathing our band performing at concert hall..good job guys!!
tie ais n mie posing while aiting for dem to arrive and headed to OMH!!

My klaz..3n2..love dem lots..They are the besh..mUaCkSzZ!!

2006-07-31T19:14:00.000+08:00

arini...boring and fun..ntah lah maner satu...i juz don understand myself..kdg2 fikir yg im really not needed among them. Yalah im a gerl tat are not owaez seriuz..i like to play around... i like to play joke..maybe i have play fun wif someone feeling...hmm..but do i need to be treated dis way...bkannya i plan tat thing to happen..itz juz happen and i dont mean it..slalu cam nie..aku bkan tk nk wat cam tu but sometimes they juz have to understand my feeling..i am cheerful all dis while coz trying to hide the pain inside...who wud understand except myself..must all dis happen coz of mie..must all the blame put on mie...hey!! im not wat u think i am...i oso have heart..i have feeling..i can cry..i can be upset...why cant u all juz understand!! itz hurting mie alot wen i realised i have noo value...am i tat invisible..do i need more effort to my attitude..remember..im juz a gerl..sometimes i can sometimes i cant be wat u want mie to be...every ppl have diff personality...why blame my nature wen i cant reach ur standard...
Maner...maner lagi aku nk lari dari lalui idop cam nie..aku pun nk idop aman sak...
i dont need anything..i juz need two feelings tat can make mie feel valuable..juz care and concern ..but! no why shud i get tat wen i owaez break someone heart...wen i play around wif their feeling!! I dont mean it..u think im tat evil to do tat!! i have suffer more den tat..more den anyone cud feel...but i try to pretend tat nothing happen...must it all be mie...even i had kept silence wen they kept hurting mie..wen i try to get things rite but oweaz someone else get the credit..why!! ive owaez try to pick the good...but in the end..i lost it..lost it to someone tat are better den mie...am i to blame..they dont even noe im trying...all they noe is juz to say wat lies infront of dem ..but they wont check whose really upset bout it...
haiz...i juz dont get it..itz life tat had play a joke on mie...watever..sometimes i felt tat im not part of the werld...i kept wanting to be good..but they thot im the bad one...i juz have to be strong...i juz need to pretend..smile!..smile means tat everything is orite even tho u noe deep inside its wores den hell.......

2006-07-30T12:17:00.000+08:00

Today not in the mood..sbab anyak sgt yg tk kene...erm..tk leh kuar sbab mlz...erm..ingatkan nk kuar tapi aper nk wat..tkder org ajak kuar...hehe..so the damn bored sak kat umah...later den i uploads more pic...oklah..tata

2006-07-30T12:12:00.000+08:00

this ish mie in purple wif cutie ais the black shirt..erm..irfan yg encem on the top left..kat sbelah wira followed by izwan ghaffar and faez yg smangat kai aju woodgrove..hehe..erm..ooppss! lupe lak yg kat sbelah aku tu aidil..he's quite cute but belo cikit!hehe..we are on the roof top of old mental hospital..damn it is a creepy place..try goin there

2006-07-28T14:04:00.000+08:00

4 azza its a regret helping u coz u wanna noe wny!at last kau slhkan aku per!!kau ader selidik dulu tk!ey mat!lau aku pakat ngan shasha wat per aku mrh dier sbab maki mak kau!! not everybody are wat u think!!aku knal saper shasha tu pasal aku tolong kau..aku cube nasihat dier..i try to make things rite!! but u give mie dis fucking shit!! kau ckp aper lau aku in ur shoes aru aku paham!! wat the fuck sak...n i will check things out b4 saying it and hurting ppl!! bkan aku nk kepo2 tolong krg tau!! krg yg carik aku mintak tolong!!..lau kau amalkan sikap main hembos kau..many ppl will end up regreting knowing u!!...aku tk slh kan saper2 kat sini..not mimi not shasha not even u!!...but aku slhkan diri aku sendiri!! sbab tlg kau!! sbab ingat kau lagi baik den otherz!! asl kau kene ckp die buruk!! lau die buruk pon kwn aku tau..nobody in this world are perfect in dis world not shasha not mie not even u!! kau ckp kau swit!! heh!..first time aku jumper org yg prasan...yg puji diri sendiri..even if kau swit..tapi puji diri sendiri wat per!!...i juz hate ppl who say nasty thing to mie...aku bleh jadi baik lau org tu baik ngan aku...aku tk suke carik pasal tapi aku tkleh kasi muke kat laki cam kau!! u have to learn to respect otherz explanation and most importantly respect ppl feelings..heh!! aku pon leh ckp aku jambu!! but aku tk uke puji diri sendiri...only ppl like u does tat!! dgr sini!! u wanna noe who i am !! search my friendster!!..nini_red_peace@hotmail.com...u will noe more bout the gerl tat hate u soo much coz of helping u soo much but inthe end u blame them!! juz hate u!!!

2006-07-20T18:35:00.000+08:00

hehehe....dis ish mie...looking cute rite??..haha..but watz the use of dis if u cant get wat u wanted...realli wish he was here rite by my side...mm..juz beggining my blog today so im new bout dis...tk tau per nk write sak...haiz...wen will i see him again...haha..alahai..jiwangz lak..mm..klah tu jek..nant2 leh edit lor..k tata...ehk..wait....wait...wait...mm.....wish u were here!!
muacks!! hahaha